All of Twitter’s Executives Quit Last Night As Stock Tumbles To All Time Low

Yahoo - Twitter’s stock price fell as much as 7% Monday, after investors reacted to the disclosure that four top company executives are flying the coop. Dorsey confirmed the high-level departures Sunday, claiming the four execs had chosen to leave of their own accord. They are: product chief Kevin Weil, head of media Katie Stanton, SVP of engineering Alex Roetter and VP of HR Skip Schipper. In addition, Jason Toff, a product executive at Twitter’s Vine, is exiting to work on virtual-reality projects at Google.

Newflash. I don’t even give a fuck about Twitter anymore. I bought it at 52 and now it’s at 16. I’ve lost six figures on this schmuck company and they still haven’t verified me. My god damn boss is on the board of Directors. THEY STILL HAVEN’T VERIFIED ME. Fuck them. And fuck me. The second they hired this dude to play CEO I should have bolted.

I mean look at this guy! Go ride a dirt bike you hippie! I should have cut my losses and run. But I just couldn’t pull the trigger. I just couldn’t lay down my hand. I don’t surrender in Blackjack and I don’t sell bad stocks. Now it’s too late. Basically all my money is gone and the entire company is running for the hills. On the day the pats got eliminated from the playoffs no less! Fuck you Twitter. I want my money back.