Drinking Bloody Marys At Times Other Than Brunch Is The Best Decision I've Ever Made

You know how I know I’m an adult? Well besides the receding hairline, the fact I know what a Roth IRA is, and the fact my Facebook full of other people’s baby pictures? I know I’m an adult because I like foods that I used to hate. It started with things like spinach, asparagus, vegetable medlies, shit like that. I’m a big sushi guy. I thoroughly enjoy vanilla milkshakes. Weird shit man, I could list 100 things. But the biggest one to me is my new-found love of Bloody Marys. I used to try them once or twice a year, always hated them. It was like drinking ketchup to me. Not only did I not like them, I was adamantly against the entire idea of them. Cheap alcohol and tomato juice, why don’t you just vomit down my throat and streamline this entire situation?

But about 6 or so months ago, for some weird reason, I was having a hankering for a bloody mary. I don’t know why, I assume it’s how chicks feel when they get cravings. Since I didn’t like bloodies, I always got mimosas at brunch. That one day, I went with the bloody and it was the (second) best decision of my life. It was amazing. A bit spicy, nice and cold, just gets the blood pumping. I couldn’t believe it. I wanted to dance around with it like the orgy scene in Zoolander. But then I was like okay let’s pump the brakes, I’m not going to fuck this drink, maybe it’s just the best one on Earth. So next time I went out, I ordered one. Amazing. Even the shitty, straight out of the mix bloody marys are delicious. I hate places that serve them like that, and I try to avoid them, but I’ll still drink it.

Now, I say that to tell you this- Bloody Mary’s DO NOT have to be a brunch-only drink. They have this stigma about them where you are only supposed to drink them between the hours of 10 and 3 on Saturday and Sunday mornings. But then I found myself out to dinner on Tuesdays. And Wednesdays. And even Thursdays. And I found myself wanting a bloody mary at 7 at night. Was that against all social norms? Would the Bloody Mary community laugh in my face? I said NAY! I do not care what the Bloody Mary community says, this is 2016 and gays can mary, you’re god damn right I’m ordering a delicious Bloody with dinner. I’ll order one as my first drink at the bar if I damn well please. So sick of society telling you when or when you can’t drink a delicious beverage. So what I’m with my parents at the Cheesecake Factory, mind your business.

I implore my fellow BM lovers to branch out. Spread your bloody red wings and fly my brothas, fly my sistas. Don’t listen to the naysayers. 2016 is the year of the round the clock Bloody Mary. Signed, sealed, delivered.

PS: 2016 is also the year of the RBV. That’s how you end up at Ultra Bar on 18+ night. That one was for you, RBVNation.