The Oregon Militiamen Are Sick And Tired Of Everyone Mailing Them Dildos

Is it just me or does Jon Ritzheimer really not seem all too upset about this? It’s almost as if he’s asking for more of them. “Oh and you know what I’m so mad about! You know what I just hate?! It’s these gosh darn double sided, smooth, white, peftectly sized dildos we got! They’re the worst! Gahhh, it just makes me so angry getting these fake penises and bags of dicks that I… I gotta throw everything off the table in a totally genuine fit of rage!” I mean, come on dude, you’re not a total idiot, right? You know that this is just going to get more dildos and bags of dicks sent your way. So we both knew what you were doing here. It’s 2016, you can just say it.

Do love at the end how we all have to be patriots and join the fight. Listen here, pal. If the definition of patriotism is seizing control of a bird sanctuary in Oregon to play with a bunch of rubber dicks with my friends then you lock me up for treason right now.