Cops On The Look Out For A Guy Who Stole A Two-Foot Long Python By Stuffing It Down His Pants

BBC- A snake thief has been caught on surveillance cameras stealing a python and putting the reptile in his pants. The man went into A to Z pet store in Portland, Oregon and walked over to the snake cage, taking a $200 black pastel ball python. Describing what happened, store owner Christin Bjugan said: “You`ll see him put it in his pants, yuck. Just drops it right in the front.” 

When they catch this guy it’ll be just the tip of the iceberg.  There has to be way more to the story and I’ll tell you why.  Nobody stuffs a giant snake down their pants willingly. That’s where your dick is. At the end of the day a man will always ALWAYS protect his dick. I’ll protect my dick before I protect my brain. My dick is by far the most important organ on my body. And that’s the way all guys think. So there’s no way that guy did it just for kicks. He was either being threatened by other people or this was his initiation into a gang.  There are undoubtedly whack jobs out there in the world but not even the craziest looney tune wakes up one morning and thinks, “I want a snake so baldy that I’m gonna make my way to the pet store and jam one down the front of my pants and hope it doesn’t bite my dick off. I NEED a snake.”  Those people don’t exist. My guess is it’s a gang initiation. Or, since it happened in Portland, an initiation into a hipster snake club that meets once a week at a coffee place no one has heard of. You want in?  This is the way. You gotta risk it all. Hard pass for me.