The Map Of Most Liked Game Day Snacks By State Is Shameful At Best
First we had the disgraceful map of Halloween candy by state come out in October and now we have this mortifying map from DirecTV. Here are some of my other thoughts:
1. Who the hell is eating Eggs Benedict during football games? I could see if you are watching football during brunch on the West Coast. But Maine? Really? And Arkansas, I respect a good “breakfast for dinner” night as much as the next guy. But even the Flapjack Queen herself, Aunt Jemima, thinks that choosing pancakes as your food is patently ridiculous.
2. If your state likes pumpkin foods, your state sucks and is a pawn to modern day advertising. Who looks at a pumpkin and wants to eat it? When you are scooping out the guts while making a Jack-O-Lantern, do you sneak some pumpkin into your mouth like you are eating cookie dough while making cookies? Of course not. Because pumpkins are a vile “food”.
3. At first glance I thought Illinois was a hot dog state. Nope that was Ohio. I guess Big Cat has laid off tubesteaks since the whole “Cause cancer and may contain human parts” scare.
4. California coming through with mozzarella sticks instead of some bullshit vegan choice was the upset of the map for me. And while we are here, mozzarella sticks are the best appetizer in the game. Wings a strong number 2, a good nachos number 3.
5. Florida going vegan was a shocker. I still can’t believe meth or human flesh didn’t top their list.
6. Alabama getting corndog was the most Alabama thing of all-time, unless it said “Corndog from Walmart”.
7. I would say that cheese was a fancy pick by fancy states, but one quick glance tells you that most of the states that picked cheese are the polar opposite of fancy.
8. New Jersey? Jambalaya? Are you fucking SERIOUS?!?!
9. I am proud of New York rebounding from Sweet Tarts being their candy of choice on that Halloween map to going with fried chicken. When it comes down to it, chicken, burgers, beef, wings, and pizza are the only real acceptable answers for football foods.
Which takes us to the Most Liked Snacks chart:
What the fuck is happening to my country? Watermelon and vegan in the top 2? Eggs Benny at number 5? Wings, burgers, sandwiches, and wings all on the outside of the Top 5? Maybe this is more of a “People on Instagram” suck, because this is not the America I pledged allegiance to every morning from kindergarten through 12th grade. DirecTV, I hate you for these maps and charts. But I love you for creating the Red Zone Channel and paying for ads on the Barstool app that help pay my salary.