If Any Muslims In Minnesota Are Getting Harassed, Don't Worry... The Satanists Have Your Back

Poor fucking Muslims, huh? Not that I’ve ever experienced anything like it (totally haven’t, swear) but this is pretty much the equivalent of being the loser kid in school and the even more loser lunch table taking you in. “Here guys, I know everyone has shunned you, but you can hang out with us. Pull up a chair, can I have a potato puff?”

Nonetheless, I’ll admit a very kind gesture by the Satanic Temple of Minneapolis.

However, if I could give some advice to the Muslims: turn it down. Do not accept this act of kindness. Because let me tell you something, anyone who’s actually mad and lashing out at random Muslim people is obviously a racist asshole. They’re pieces of shit, but this time shall pass. However, if you get caught strutting around town with the Hot Topic crew then you’re at the outcast table forever. No questions asked. America as a whole is just a giant high school: when you first get in we’re like ehhhh what’s this dude all about? But after a few weeks (centuries, probably, if we’re talking America time. Maybe never, tbh), we like you. Same thing here. Don’t align yourself with these freaks because then you’ll never their stink off you. Trust me. Get caught in KoRn gear once, you’re always the KoRn kid….

Although I will say, no one will fuck with you. For sure, no one. Everyone in America is convinced that goths are like half vampire. So if your safety is that big a concern then I guess do it, but just know hanging out with the freaks is social suicide and you’ll have to wear baggy black jeans forever.

Gotta start having weird dance parties under overpasses, too. It’s not a great life. Tons of sweet moves to learn and gas masks to buy.