The Dude Who Records All His Masturbation Habits Is Back With New Data That Affects Your 6, 12, 18, 24 Challenge Decisions

Someecards – Redditor KarlRyker is a bit unusual when it comes to self-pleasuring—not in terms of his viewing preferences, but because he’s been meticulously recording data on his frequent onanism for the past six months. (Onanism is an old-timey word for masturbation, so congrats on learning that today.) Over the past 183 days, KarlRyker noted such factors as length of session, frequency of sessions, time of day, day of the week, how often he uses porn, what type of porn he uses, and so on. He put his findings all into one easy-to-follow chart that you could probably scroll down using one hand, which is presumably how Karl does all of his computing. It will fill you with a profound sense of awe and discomfort.

Well this right here will put Portnoy’s dreams of masturbator 18 times to bed pretty fuckin quickly. As a matter of fact, it makes you call into question anyone who says they completed the 6, 12, 18, 24 Challenge. If Karl Ryker can only beat it 5 times in a day, you gotta wonder if anyone alive can. I mean this dude loves JOing more than anything. Documents every load hes ever launched. He admittedly has nothing better to do than tug on his dick. He takes pride in his masturbation. He pushes the limits of his masturbation. And even only he can jerk off 5 times in a day.

Now, I will say the problem Karl Ryker has is the preposterous amount of time he spends per session. Spending EIGHTY MINUTES jerking off is lunacy. One 80 minute session is worth like 150 normal person sessions. If you even spend a couple minutes really gearing up and getting engrossed in a porn, thats as exhausting as sex. So if Karl Ryker just spent a normal amount of time per session he could probably jerk it like 35 times in a day.

But the point remains that this guy is like a goddam masturbation mutant. He’s practically a superhero. So you cant just compare him to Portnoy or some average Joe on twitter saying he completed the Challenge. Regardless of time spent per session, if Karl Ryker is only capable of 5 in a day, then 6 has to be the absolute highest the human penis can go.

PS – Love the finale about being a total weirdo. Karl is one very self aware deviant.

PPS – Not finishing is still the craziest thing I’ve ever heard. Giving up on your own dick in the middle of jerking off like “Its just not going to happen this time” as if you’re some sort of chick is NUTS. I mean what do you even do? Just tuck your boner back into your pants and go back to your regular day? Flip it up in the waistband and go do some chores? Thats craaaaazy. I guarantee I will have 100% success rate jerking off for my entire life. Perfect attendance. Put it in the books.