Does This Look Like The Face Of A Lady Who Was Too Drunk To Drive So She Called 911 For Chicken Wings?

AKE COUNTY, Fla. — A Clermont woman was arrested last week after she called 911 and asked for chicken wings and cigarettes, deputies said. Liann Watson, 45, told deputies that she was too drunk to drive, so she decided to call 911 and ask for chicken wings and cigarettes, according to the Lake County Sherrif’s Office. Authorities said Watson claimed she would pass out if she did not receive the requested items. Watson was charged with one count of misusing the 911 system.

I have a real question that I need answered: Has delivery food not made it’s way down to Florida yet? Because that’s the only way this story makes any sense whatsoever. It starts out like any other drunk and hungry story.  The lady is drinking at home, judging by the look of her probably some aged fine wine OR she beer bonged a bottle of Evan Williams, she becomes too drunk to drive and gets the drunk munchies. The next step of this story in all of the other 49 states is she calls Pizza Hut*, orders 50 chicken wings and they deliver them right to her doorstep. That’s how this story should’ve gone. We shouldn’t be reading about how she got arrested.  In Florida?  In Florida she dials up 911 and asks for chicken wings.  Listen, we can both agree that being drunk and in need of chicken wings is an emergency. DEFCON 1 type of shit. That’s a fact. But there are literally businesses made specifically for this type of thing. Floridians simply can’t help themselves from being from Florida. I do lay partial blame on the 911 operator. Help a sister out. Don’t snitch on her when she calls asking for wings.  Hook her up with Pizza Hut’s phone number and let it be.

*People who are incapable of enjoying the simpler things in life love to shit all over pizza places like Pizza Hut. They’re missing out. The Hut has some of the best wings on the planet. I can already hear assholes being like, “Rah rah rah you don’t know anything rah rah rah poor people shit rah rah rah” Get off your high horse for me one time and enjoy the good life.