Airplane Has To Make An Emergency Landing When A Dangerous Weapon Is Discovered Onboard: Sheep Farts

NewsWeek- A Singapore Airlines Boeing 747 was making a routine flight from Sydney to Kuala Lumpur last week when, all of the sudden, its smoke alarm went off. But it wasn’t smoke, exactly. As it turns out, the alarm was triggered by massive amounts of methane that had accumulated inside the fuselage, according to The Aviation Herald. All this gas was produced by “emissions”—farts, that is—and manure from the 2,186 sheep aboard the plane. The aircraft made an emergency landing on the Indonesian island of Bali about 45 minutes later and stayed grounded for two and a half hours, before resuming its flight to Malaysia. A different type of gaseous emission—the eruption of volcanic Mount Rinjani, on Lombok Island near Bali—has led to the cancellation of scores of flights and stranded thousands of tourists on the island today, according to the Associated Press. In 2014, Australia exported a total of 2,298,455 head of live sheep, according to industry-tracking group LiveCorp. The country is the world’s largest exporter of live sheep and goats.

There’s really only one thing that you have to know about this story and it’s this

The aircraft made an emergency landing on the Indonesian island of Bali about 45 minutes later and stayed grounded for two and a half hours, before resuming its flight to Malaysia

Flight to Malaysia. If you are on any aircraft that has anything to do with Malayasia you better be prepared for just about anything/prepared to die. Including sheep farts.  How many Malaysian aircrafts have crashed or gone missing in the last 18 months?  I’m not gonna look it up but off the top of my head I’ll say 12. Any time a Malaysian aircraft (or any flying machine that has anything to do with Malyasia) is in the news the report doesn’t end with, “And today a flight to Malaysia made a safe landing and not a single person died.”  It’s the exact opposite.  It’s like the word Malaysia is it’s own Bermuda Triangle. You’re basically fucked if your ticket has that word on it. And now sheep farts?  What the fuck? Or at least that was my initial reaction until the word, “Malaysia” was in the article. Then it makes perfect sense.

If somebody told me there was a billion dollars waiting for me if I just got on a flight headed for Malaysia, I’d pass. Because there’s no way that flight is making it. It’ll either disappear and Wolf Blitzer will forever be searching for it or it’ll crash due to too many sheep farts. Either way, you’re gone forever. My life as a blogger with no money, no health insurance and no retirement plan ain’t so bad. It’s a lot better than being dead.