Cousin Eddie Is Looking GOOD

HIGHGATE, Vt. — American actor Randy Quaid was taken into custody Friday night while trying to cross into the United States from Canada, Vermont State Police said. The “Independence Day” actor was detained by troopers at the Highgate Springs port of entry days after Canadian officials said he would be deported.

Quaid is wanted in Santa Barbara, California, to face felony vandalism charges filed in 2010 after he and his wife, Evi, were found squatting in a guesthouse of a home they previously owned. The pair skipped several court appearances and went to Canada, where Evi Quaid was granted citizenship. Randy Quaid’s bid to gain permanent residency was denied. The 65-year-old actor said in interview with The Associated Press from a detention center in Laval, Quebec, on Wednesday that he would like to resolve his legal issues in California and “move on with my life.”

You know when you go on a bachelor party or a guy’s trip and you spend an entire weekend eating like shit and drinking a thousand beers and you have that moment late Sunday night when you’re crying on the toilet, bloated, hungover, dehydrated, thinking about how much of a mess your life is as you take a shit that burns like the fire of a thousand suns? That feeling is what Cousin Eddie looks like. Holy fucking hell man. I know he’s looked bad and he made that weird porno a year ago but fuck Cousin Eddie, clean it up. You look like the Unabomber if the Unabomber never took a shower. Don’t ruin every memory I’ve ever had about the Griswold’s. For fucks sake.