Neil deGrasse Tyson Gave His Thoughts On If Batman Could Beat Up Superman And He's Such A Science Racist

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First of all, let’s take a moment to applaud the genius of Tech Insider for using three of the Internet’s favorite things to get views on their video: Neil DeGrasse Tyson, comic book heroes, and arguing over really dumb shit. Secondly, FUCKING NEIL DEGRASSE TYSON. He seems like a very cool dude, especially for a science nerd — though I do have to wonder how much of that is because he’s a black guy so we just think he’s cooler than he is, like President Obama before anyone saw him actually play basketball — and he’s right sort of because Batman’s previously beaten the shit out of Superman with fancy technology-empowered suits and a Kryptonite glove.

But that’s the problem with the Neil deGrasse Tysons of the world: They think science can solve everything. For the sake of argument I’m even willing to ignore the fact that Superman is basically a god walking Earth itself and is capable of so many amazing flying and strong and explosive things that any technology Batman could come up with would get fucked up immediately (Superman can rip a telephone pole out of the floor and smash some guy with it, you think he couldn’t break Batman’s suit by underhand throwing a tank from 50 yards away let alone magically learning how to cum magnets or something?). But the fact that Neil deGrasse Tyson thinks Iron Man could beat up Batman because he’s a better scientist is INSANE. You’re telling me little 5’9 Robert Downey Jr’s overcompensating wiener boy Tony Stark is beating up jockish Bruce Wayne as played by 6’0 shredded Christian Bale or even a strong Boston dude like Ben Affleck because he’s better at looking through a microscope or using a soldering iron? BRUCE WAYNE CLIMBED OUT OF A HOLE WITH A BROKEN FREAKIN BACK, NEIL. Does desire count for nothing in your world?

All I’m saying is Neil deGrasse Tyson needs to get the fuck out of here with that science racism. We’re better than that as a people. Some things are greater than what’s controllable and right in front of our eyes. If the shit ever goes down, I’ll be here praying to Superman for safety like an adult while you go shove a beaker up your asshole and hope for the best.

PS Here’s a relevant Batman clip from the wildly underrated Comedy Central show Review. If you’re not watching it, you’re missing out: