Little Girl's World Comes Crashing Down When She Finds Out Adam Levine Is Already Married

It’s okay, little one.  This happens to everybody.  That was my exact reaction when I found out Emily Blunt was married.  You think you’ve got your sights set on your soul mate only to find out she’s married to Jim Halpert.  It was devastating.  I mean have you seen Edge of Tomorrow? It’s perfect and she’s perfect. You’ll more than likely find me this weekend sobbing in a movie theater watching Sicario.  Just like that girl finding out that Adam Levine was devastating. Adam Levine is THAT guy for every girl from whatever age that girl is to every chick in her mid-to-late 20s.  If any girl I knew didn’t know that Levine was married, and I was the one who broke the news to her, they would react the exact same way. Balling their goddamn eyes out. Wising they were dead. No current celebrity male makes the females swoon like Adam Levine.  Try it out this weekend.  When you’re at a bar with girls (fingers crossed) bring up Levine. I guarantee they’ll all start involuntarily fingering themselves right then and there. It’s uncanny. Turns out girls are into tattooed guys with 6 packs who can sing “Sunday Morning”.  Who knew?