JJ Watt Peaked As A Man Yesterday When Kelly Kapowski Tweeted At Him
Well this is it. This is the pinnacle for JJ Watt. Not the Pro Bowls, not being last year’s runner up for MVP. Not 20 sacks. Not chopping that wood in the commercial with Karen From The Office narrating. Nothing he can do on the field anymore can top this moment for him yesterday.
For any guy who grew up in the 90s, this is it. Getting Kelly Kapowski to acknowledge your presence, let alone tweet a picture of her holding your magazine cover up giving you a “Fuck Me” smirk with a sly “btw, good game today.” Everyone knows that smile and that last sentence are code for “Meet me in the Bayside locker room and I’ll suck your dick in my cheerleader outfit.”
There’s a chance Kelly Kapowski had you on her brain last time she masturbated. That face is screaming “I’ll let you do things to me that Jeff From The Attic didnt even get to do.” Go get it, JJ. All that stuff we’ve said about you being a try hard? I take them all back. Because it clearly all worked to perfection. Forget about the money and the play on the field, if your little act can draw the attention of Kelly Kapowski, the good on you, my man. You played the game right. I’ll be honest I feel like JJ is a little to young to even fully appreciate this. Right on the cusp, really. But with re-runs I’ll give him the benefit of the doubt, he’s probably old enough to realize how important this is. I’ve said it a million times but Kelly Kapowski was the girl who let me know I wasn’t gay. She was that important of a figure to me and all guys my age. Short of getting Hep C from Pam Anderson right now, this is probably the number 1 take down from the 90s.
All I ask is that JJ Watt actually goes and bangs her and doesnt do some charity work with her for publicity or something. Just use your dick, JJ. Use your dick.
PS – Obviously everyone knows it doesnt matter that she has some miles on her, right? You bang Tiffani Amber Theissen now, you technically bang Tiffani Amber Theissen of then. Thats how it works.