If David Ortiz Wasn't A Baseball Player He'd Be A Pornstar, According To David Ortiz

via Player’s Tribune

Both a cocky and terrible answer from Papi on that one. “Well I’m from a poor country and lack formal education so I guess if I couldn’t swing a bat then I’d use my huge dick to make a living.” Allllright, David. We get it. You’re a better man than me. You’re richer, more athletic, have a more infectious smile and, oh yeah, you fuck better. Point taken.

But what a bad answer, right? No one wants to be a pornstar. I feel like that’s one of those answers you shout as a child, like “gynecologist,” without really thinking about it. Yeah, in theory it’s cool, but you look at gross pussies all day. Pornstars are the same, it’s not fun. As much as I enjoy porn, I have no desire to be a part of the production. I enjoy steak and hot dogs but you won’t find me slaughtering cows and pigs anytime soon. Way too demanding. Way too much pressure. Fuck this hole, pause for an hour but stay hard, shove your cock in her ass on top of that other cock in her ass, cum right this very second. If sex is math then I’m struggling with addition, I don’t want to start messing with trigonometry. No thank you for all of that. Plus, sex all the time is too much. I get sick of fucking when I’m in a relationship, let alone doing it as a profession.

PS – Guilty pleasure of the moment song from the early 90s? Bold move.