Merry Bakemas: Patriots Fans' New Tradition of Bending the Knee to Our Christmas Queen, Ann Michael Maye, Continues
The traditions commonly associated with the Christmas season come from many different cultures. The Holy Nativity is, of course, from the New Testament. Decorating a tree is an old pagan Winter Solstice ritual. The Yule Log is from Scandinavian/Germanic origins. Santa Claus giving gifts is based on 4th century bishop St. Nicholas, from modern day Turkey. Mistletoe is from Norse mythology. Getting drunk and listening to Bing Crosby's Christmas album ("in simulated stereo!") on constant repeat comes from my mom, my aunts and uncles.
And for the better part of the 21st century, the Patriots introduced a new holiday season tradition to New England. Destroying the collective spirit of the rest of the country. To steal a line from Ebenezer Scrooge, they drowned the rest of the NFL in their own plum pudding and buried them with sprig of holly in their hearts.
Between the 2001 and 2018 seasons, a period bookended by their first and sixth Super Bowl wins, the Pats went a combined 65-13, .833, in the month of December. They went undefeated in the month an incredible 8 times, including a 5-0 record in the undefeated season of 2007.
But enough of living in the past. This history lesson is just for context. Because while we have every reason to think the Pats will start a new tradition of taking a big, steaming dump of coal into the stockings of every team who stands in their way of a bye week in the playoffs, we've already started one that will last for generations to come. Thanks to Ann Michael Maye:
Our Patriots Queen has wasted no time at all establishing herself of the Queen of this most blessed holiday. Whether it's dazzling everyone at a team party over the bye week:
SI - Ann Michael Maye took a break from her busy “Bakemas” to attend the New England Patriots holiday party with her superstar quarterback husband Drake Maye. She’d steal the show, however, with her fit while posing with the other WAGs. …
She didn’t disappoint either in her black dress for the team holiday party while posing with the other wives and girlfriends.
And more importantly, continuing to crank out the content that's putting the Holly Jolly into the Christmas of everyone in her new adopted home. The "Bakemas" videos she's been posting all month serve as a sort of baked treat Advent Calendar. And not only do her recipes not disappoint:
They give a long-suffering fan base a place to gather and celebrate the glory that is our new First Couple. This video of her making Peppermint Chocolate Chip Cookies was posted 20 hours ago and is approaching 900 comments. All of which strike just the right tone of gratitude, joy, and reverence. Here are just a few:
The way you diced up that chocolate bar reminds me of how Drake Maye dices up defenses every Sunday
Giselle didn’t even let us have sugar
Gisele only shared her kisses for her Jiu Jitsu instructor
With all these sweets, Make sure Drake is brushing his teeth before bed. We need his smile perfect for the Super Bowl victory photos
Make sure the candy bits are smaller next time. I don't want drake to choke on them.
Gisele crushed our hearts, not candy canes
Our husband will love this
Perfect, just like drake maye
Your Bakemas posts are the best part of my day…… P.S. tell Drake I love him
Make sure drake gets a good night sleep Saturday night 🙏
Bakemas literally changed my life
Make sure to give Drake maye as many cookies as he wants but not too many so he doesn’t get a stomach ache
Who is Drake Maye? For the blind, he is light. For the hungry, he is bread. For the sick, he is the cure. For the lonely, he is company. For the sad, he is joy. For the prisoner, he is freedom. For the poor, he is treasure. For me, he is everything. If Drake Maye talks, I listen. If Drake Maye points, | look. if Drake Maye commands, I obey. If Drake Maye has a million fans, then I am one of them. If Drake Maye has ten fans, then I am one of them. If Drake Maye has only one fan then that is me. If Drake Maye has no fans, then that means I am no longer on Earth. If the world is against Drake Maye, then I am against the world.
Not since I was in my mid-20s and It's a Wonderful Life was perpetually on cable so you could catch some part of it any time of the day or night have I felt so connected to a Christmas tradition as I am Ann Michael Maye's Bakemas. Or felt as much a part of a community as I do right now. The way my friends and family all memorized IAWL back then and we'd talk about it constantly, I feel ever bit as emotionally invested in these comments.
And that spirit of the season is not just limited to Pats fans, but to the man himself. Our aforementioned King:
… with the double name. Her name’s a double name, Ann Michael, so hopefully people figure that out. But, she’s a superstar. She’s been a big addition for me being up here and living with me.”
We shall struggle with her double name no more. Like with Mary Tudor of England or Maria Christina of Austria, no one will ever fail to pay Ann Michael of New England her proper respect. And yes, she is a superstar. Unquestionably. The numbers since their Royal Wedding do not lie:
To correct the record, there's a typo there. His passer rating is "only" 111.9. Which is still good for second highest in the league, marginally behind Matthew Stafford. But the rest of those numbers are correct. Proving that his partnership is blessed. Good not only for the happy couple, but all their loyal subjects.
So on behalf of all of New England, thank you, Drake "Drake Maye" Maye and Ann Michael "Queen of Bakemas" Maye. Since I speak to you here instead of the TikTok comments section, please allow me to metaphorically stand on your doorstep, play the sound of carolers singing on my boombox, and tell you how I feel.