Aubrey Huff Has Joined The Discussion Advising Young Men How To Pick Up Women, And In The Cringiest Way Possible

Here's the whole thing. Read it at your own risk, but let it all soak in once you have. 

Kevin summed this all up pretty dead on. 

At some point in the last couple days, famous rich guys decided they are not just athletes and billionaires, they are also our dating coaches.

First, it was Bill Ackman strolling out of a time machine in a waistcoat, telling young men to approach women with “May I meet you?” like they are proposing a merger instead of saying hi. 

Now we have noted babe magnet, Aubrey Huff, 

Mark Cunningham. Getty Images.

retired MLB slugger and full time Main Character on X, serving up what might be the worst bar move ever committed to the internet.

And that is a crowded field.

Huff posted what he clearly thought was genius “fellas, listen up” game. 

His plan goes like this- you walk up to a woman at a bar, stand next to her, order a drink, and just stare at her. Unbroken eye contact. Into her soul. Off to a great start already. 

Nothing more comforting than a strange man locking in on you like he is thinking about where to bury your body.

Then, without breaking eye contact, you loudly tell the bartender, “And please my good sir get this little temptress whatever she’s drinking.”

Little temptress?

After you creep her out, you're supposd to “introduce yourself in a seductive & deep confident tone” that “intrigues her sexually,” because nothing intrigues a woman sexually like a stranger who just called her “little temptress” in front of the bar staff. 

Then you are supposed to make some bizarre offhand remark that “makes zero sense” so she is confused and curious.

When the drinks show up, you ask the bartender for a napkin and a pen, write your name and number, and then, again in your best poor man's James Bond voice, you say: “Nice to meet you sweet tits, & thank you for the drink, I’ll be sure to get the nxt one when you meet me later at the bar I’m headed to.”

Then you slide the napkin over, tell the bartender to put your drink on her tab, and walk away.

That is the move. That is the play he says works “nine times out of ten.” 

It is like a dare someone gave him in 2007 that he misunderstood as a personality.

Fuckin wild.

He literally admitted it is a “dick move” and then bragged that it has worked “countless times,” which is the most honest sentence in the whole thing. Because this is exactly the kind of behavior that occasionally works when you are a 6'4" former big leaguer who used to hit in the middle of the Giants lineup.

He also made sure to go full misogynistic in his replies. Women were quick to call him out. Replies calling him a “worthless loser,” saying they would be furious at “sweet tits,” people flat out telling other men not to try this. There is literally a guy in the comments telling him, “Get checked for CTE.” 

Classic Aubrey.

You know who this does not work for? Normal dudes. Especially a normal dude who drives a Honda Civic and lives with two roommates. 

If a regular guy tries this, he is not getting a quirky story and a text later. He is getting a screenshot in the group chat and a bartender quietly checking if she is ok. And possibly a restraining order.

That is the whole point here- these athletes and billionaires live in a completely different ecosystem than us. 

They move through the world under a totally different set of rules. The social physics are not the same. But that doesn't stop them from hopping online like they are one of the guys, handing out advice to people who do not have a ring, a Wikipedia page, or a highlight reel.

Aubrey Huff spends the whole post flexing that this is “like shooting fish in a barrel” for him. Of course it is pal. 

The man played for the Giants in the World Series. In certain bars, he walks in and he is already an accomplishment. He is not starting from zero. He is starting from “that guy was in my fantasy lineup” and “my dad has his jersey.” For some twisted reason that Freud could explain better than I, that shit makes girls wet.

So when he stares at them liek a weirdo, it is “ballsy.” 

When he says “sweet tits,” it is “oh my God, is that Aubrey Huff being ridiculous.” 

When he sticks her with the bill, it is “this idiot,” and she still might text him later because, whether she likes it or not, he is a story. And chicks LOOOOOOOOVE great hookup stories to brag to their friends about.

When a random guy does it, it is not a story. He is getting Jazzy Jeff'd out of the bar- 

and probably having the cops called on him.

Regular people cannot be acting like this. 

Guys who are already one bad week away from their card getting declined do not need to be out in public calling strangers “sweet tits” and shifting the tab onto them. That is not game. That is how you end up as a warning label and being blacklisted from establishments.

Athletes and billionaires play by different rules. Always have, and always will. The least they could do is stop fucking pretending they are one of us when they log on to explain women. We're already confused enough guys.