Take it From Antonio Brown: If You're Hiding Out in a Foreign Country to Avoid Attempted Murder Charges, Don't Taunt the Police on Social Media

Jared C. Tilton. Getty Images.

If movies have taught us anything, it's that there are almost as many ways for a wanted fugitive to evade being captured as there are suspected criminals. There's ducking into a parade and blending in (The Fugitive). There's knocking somebody unconscious and stealing their clothes (Raiders of the Lost Ark). Ducking under the sheet on a hospital gurney (Captain America: Winter Soldier). Swimming through a half-mile of shit (The Shawshank Redemption). 

The way you don't want to evade capture when you're on the lam is like this:

Don't take my word for it. Take the word of the Miami-Dade Police:

The Athletic - Former NFL star Antonio Brown was apprehended Thursday in Dubai by U.S. Marshals on an attempted murder charge, the Miami Police Department confirmed, ending a months-long search. He was extradited to the U.S. and is being held in Essex County, N.J., where he will remain until he is transferred to the Miami-Dade County Jail, according to Miami police spokesperson Michael Vega. …

The former star wide receiver evaded authorities for more than four months. During that time, Brown, 37, posted frequently on social media, including 13 Instagram posts showing him in a luxury sports car, at a barbershop and lounging poolside.

“He was taunting us on social media,” Vega told The Athletic. “We identified he was in Dubai, we let the Marshals know.”

And: 

“US Marshals working Miami-Dade State Attorney’s Office got together built an arrest warrant and located he was at Dubai. We knew this because he was posting videos, riding a bike, kind of like laughing at the city of Miami.”

I mean, this hardly counts as trying to stay on the run at all. This would fall more into the category of Hiding in Plain Sight. Brown didn't even put in the effort o holding an newspaper up over his face or posing as a department store mannequin. He simply told the local cops and the US Marshals where he was, as if they can't hop a commercial flight the same as him. 

I have to say, it's a little disappointing. Not that I was expecting him to be some master (accused) criminal. But I figured he'd put in a least as much effort as he showed against all those defensive backs over the years. He didn't even try. It's a cliche, but a true one, that some (alleged) criminals want to get caught. Brown is clearly one of them. Instead of going under a false identity or wearing a disguise, looking over his shoulder everywhere he went and using a burner phone, he opted to rub Miami-Dade's nose in it. Basically daring them to come get him. A challenge they clearly accepted. 

The good news for the fans of AB's social media, is that he's not giving up on that. His 2.5 million followers on X can be sure the memes, jokes, and assorted hilarity will continue, just with someone else at the keyboard for a while:

How long it will be before Brown is posting his own content, remains to be seen. But under Florida law, given a firearm was (allegedly) discharged, it could be a minimum mandatory of 20 years. If it should come to that, I'm sure that first post when he gets out will be hysterical. And so worth the wait.