Ranking My Favorite Barstool Ugly Sweaters
It’s the most wonderful time of the year and I mean that. God, I fucking love the holidays. I don’t care how old I get, the second November hits, I turn into a kid again. There’s just nothing better than being surrounded by the people you love...and occasionally can’t stand. The only downside? Everything and everyone gets more expensive as you get older.
What used to be one cozy family gathering somehow turns into five different Christmas parties, all with the same “ugly sweater” theme. And every year it’s the same dilemma, you’ve still got that one sweater from three years ago, and now you’re pretending it’s “vintage” because you have no clue where to get a new one.
That’s exactly why I’m writing this blog, to save you from being that guy. So here it is: my five favorite Barstool ugly sweaters that’ll have you showing up to every party looking festive, funny, and just the right amount of obnoxious.
5. Santa's Buying Tonight
This one’s for all the dogs out there. All the single dads who aren’t allowed in the house because they’ve had one too many or have been gone a few too many years, thinking they can just stroll back in for Christmas. But then their ex-wife says no, and he ends up posted up at the local bar instead. Or maybe that’s just my dad. Either way, hell of a sweater.
4. Cream Team Ugly Sweater
CREAM TEAM!! I’d be a scumbag if I didn’t put the Cream Team sweater in my top five. At first, I was completely against adding yet another machine to an already overweight office—but damn, that cream is not only good, it’s a content factory. I love Jakob with all my heart, and it’s nearly impossible to hate Zac. Shoutout Little Lockwood too. Out of sheer respect for the Cream, this sweater had to make the list.
3. Santa Isn't The Only One Coming Tonight
This next one? Certified hood classic. I personally wore it last year and, needless to say, it was an absolute hit. Let’s just say there were plenty of girls on the naughty list ready to bring the sweater to life. I think it goes without saying, but Santa isn’t the only one coming in this sweater.
2. I'm On The Nicey List
Now this one’s special—because hearing Jon Gruden say the word “Nicey” is like hearing your favorite rapper drop his signature ad-lib. It just hits different. Plus, it’s Jon freakin’ Gruden, man. You know who loves Jon Gruden? Men. And you know who men look up to? Their dads. And you know what dads love? Ugly Christmas sweaters. Full circle.
1. The Most Wonderful Time To Split The G
And finally, coming in at number one: it’s the most wonderful time to split the G. As long as we keep making Split the G merch, I’ll keep shoving it down everyone’s throat, because there’s simply no better feeling than being at a mostly wood-paneled bar, having the bartender hand you a perfectly poured pint, and splitting that G with the boys. Add in some Christmas decorations, and you’re basically in the North Pole.