Trump Doesn't Win the Nobel Prize for Brokering Peace in the Middle East, but the Woman Who Did Win Dedicates it to Him

If you need any further proof that America is broken country badly in need of repair, look no further than the fact we've got peace in the Middle East, and we can't even agree on that.  A problem so intractable that the very term "peace in the Middle East" has been used as a metaphor for an impossible, unachievable goal the way "men walking on the moon" used to be, has been resolved. An issue so incendiary that it's cause mass demonstrations on college campuses across America and a riot on the streets of Boston just days ago in which eight police officers were injured in the line of duty. And the one thing that every one wanted out of this - a ceasefire - has been agreed upon. And people like the ones in this clip above are going to have their loved ones returned to them on Monday. Both the ones who survived two years of captivity, and the remains of those who were not so fortunate. 

If ever there was a reason to rejoice, this is it. If ever there was an opportunity to come together as one and appreciate this historic moment, it's been presented to us. If ever there was chance to forget petty, partisan politics, reach across the aisle in a spirit of cooperation, and give credit where credit is due, one proud American to another, well then by golly, here it is. 

And two of the most influential Americans of the 21th century chose to give that opportunity a hard pass:

... start reaching those inside Gaza whose lives have been shattered. More than that, though, it now falls on Israelis and Palestinians, with the support of the U.S. and the entire world community, to begin the hard task of rebuilding Gaza – and to commit to a process that, by recognizing the common humanity and basic rights of both peoples, can achieve a lasting peace. 

Unbelievable. I've seen fire, and I've seen rain. You don't have to like Trump. According to every poll over the last 10 years, practically half the country never will. You don't even have to stop hating him. But if you'll forgive me the sports analogy, even if you spend a brutal, seven-game Stanley Cup playoff series fighting, cheap-shotting and exchanging savage penalties with each other, at the end you line up, take off the gloves, and shake hands. You congratulate the winner, even if the words are like poison in your mouth. That doesn't mean you hate them any less; it just means you're a grown man who knows when he's been beaten. 

But in this case, there are literally no losers. The bombing everyone despises will cease. Children who might not have survived the week might now grow to old age. Hostages and captives on both sides will sleep in their own beds. But in these "United" States of America in the Year of Our Lord 2025, achieving all that is not enough to get your name on the lips of your political opponents. 

Nor does achieving a previously unachievable Peace impress the people in Norway who hand out the prize for Peace:

Instead, they awarded it to a woman who's candidacy was, ironically enough, endorsed by the guy she just beat:

And this is where the whole matter took a turn for the surreal. Just as Trump's supporters were starting to lose their shit over the indignity of this, and his haters were celebrating the fact he was probably going to blow a gasket any minute, Maria Corina Macado dedicated her Prize to him:

…  nations of the world as our principal allies to achieve Freedom and democracy. 

I dedicate this prize to the suffering people of Venezuela and to President Trump for his decisive support of our cause! 

To clumsily shoehorn in another pop culture analogy, Machado didn't do the humble "It's an honor to be nominated among such an amazing and talented group of artists" thing. She did the thing where Ving Rhames gave his 1998 Golden Globe to Jack Lemmon:

And in doing so, gave Trump an even bigger W than if the Nobel Committee acknowledged him. If they gave the award to him, he could have bragged about it for day or two. And his harshest critics would point out that Henry Kissinger won a Peace Prize while he was prolonging the war in Vietnam, but Mahatma Gandhi never won one, so it doesn't mean a thing. And it would quickly be forgotten. 

But this? He'll get to dine out on this forever. He got passed over by elites up in the land of the ice and snow, from the midnight sun where the hot springs blow. But while the Nobel Committee was voting Machado their Prom Queen, Trump's the one she asked to dance with her. 

On top of Sanders and Obama not even being able to mention his name, they all come off looking small and petty. The very people who hate him just can't stop tripping over themselves and handing the man victories. Love him or hate him, Trump is a living example of what Voltaire said in a letter to a friend. "I have never made but one prayer to God, a very short one," he wrote. "'O Lord, make my enemies ridiculous.' And God granted it."

But regardless of who gets the credit, all that truly matters is that the peace somehow lasts. And that we look back on this week as the moment when the generations of bloodshed came to an end. We can only hope. Shalom. Salaam.