A Substitute Teacher in Vermont Did So Much "Cocaine" That She Mistook Her Student For a Dog

How about that? I didn't know it was possible to do so much "cocaine" that you start mistaking 8th graders for your adorable pet schnauzer. Must have been that high quality small town Vermont blow you always read about. 

Barre Town is really letting Ms. Martin off easy by letting her slide with the cocaine explanation. Last I checked, cocaine doesn't have a person nodding off and mistaking children for pets. I suppose it could have been a situation where she was up doing coke for days on end, hadn't slept in a week, and experienced some sort of sleep deprived cocaine induced psychosis. But if I had to wager a guess, I don't think Ms. Martin had a cocaine problem that day. If anything, she had a cocaine solution. She just didn't quite make it to the bathroom fast enough to use it before she was accosted by her pet dog in the hallway. 

You truly need to be next levels of fucked up to have middle school students following you out into the hallway because they're genuinely worried about your well-being . I can't imagine being in school, having my teacher leave the room, and thinking any thought other than, "Hell yes this is awesome. I hope she never comes back". 

The last thing I want to do is draw attention to the situation and risk a competent adult who cares about my education taking over for the last half of class. Someone who comes in and realizes that the substitute teacher hasn't put a dent in the course material, and assigns us homework to make up for lost time. I'm pretty sure 8th grade me would sooner my substitute teacher be hit by a bus than be assigned 20 minutes worth of homework.... haha.... just kidding......................

I've said this about professional athletes before, but I'd also like to know this about my past teachers. I would love to see a comprehensive list that details the drug and alcohol habits of each and every school teacher I had growing up. Which teachers smoked weed. Which ones had whisky in their coffee mugs every class. Which teachers had ever taught fucked up. I remember being pretty young and hearing a rumor about a few teachers who would smoke weed with my friend's parents at parties. At the time, I thought that was the most outlandish thing ever. No way that could be happening. They're teachers for christ sakes. 

But then you graduate college... and you're in your early 20's... and you go out on a random Wednesday night with your dumbass friend who's now a high school science teacher. Next thing you know it's 3am and your good buddy who's shaping America's youth is snorting blow off a toilet seat in the bathroom of Ziggy's. And you're like... "Damn... I guess teachers are people too... I wonder if my science teacher was doing this.."

Yep. They probably were. At least the "cool" ones.