So, it's Trademark War, Then: Jordon Hudson and Belichick Petitioned the US Patent Office to Give Him Control Over His Catchphrases the Patriots Own

These are obviously busy times for Jordon Hudson. When you're the girlfriend, assistant, business partner, and (to use his own word) "muse," of one of the most driven, hardworking men on the planet, you're juggling a lot of chainsaws. I mean, she's not just Bill Belichick's Emotional Support Hottie; she's an active participant in all he does. To quote Rick Blaine to Ilsa, "You're part of his work, the thing that keeps him going." 

So I suppose it's only natural that Jordon would be walking around with a clear plastic stadium purse stuffed sloppily with single-space typed pages with certain words in yellow highlight. She's got a lot going on. Despite the heartless, savage comments from all the anonymous drones under this TMZ post:

Hudson has no time for worrying about what these 1s and 0s have to say. She's got business to attend to. Actual business:

And Hudson's not stopping at making "Gold Digger" her own the way Kanye did when she was 4 years old. Jordon - OK, technically she and Bill - took their case to the federal government to gain control of the signature phrases he made popular when he was building a Dynasty in New England. Though the Feds handed him his second loss of the year:

ESPN -  The U.S. Patent and Trademark Office has refused four trademark applications filed by North Carolina football coach Bill Belichick and his companion, Jordon Hudson, saying the phrases they attempted to trademark would cause a "likelihood of confusion" with previously filed ones.

The New England Patriots, Belichick's former employer, hold the rights on the trademarks Belichick and Hudson sought. In April, TCE Rights Management, with Hudson listed as its manager, filed to secure several trademarks, including these four: "Do Your Job (Bill's Version)," "Ignore the Noise (Bill's Version)," "The Belestrator (Bill's Version)" and "No Days Off (Bill's Version)."

The Patriots trademarked "The Belestrator" in 2009, "Do Your Job" in 2013 and both "No Days Off" and "Ignore the Noise" in 2017.

The patent office released the decisions last week, saying it rejected the requests because "it is likely consumers would be confused, mistaken or deceived as to the commercial source of the goods and/or services of the parties." 

Though to be fair, it wasn't a total loss:

Other trademarks filed by TCE in April -- including "Chapel Bill (Bill's Version)," "The Belichick Way" and "The All-Belichick Team" -- had no conflicting marks, according to patent office documents.

Of course those same people who are dragging Hudson for her slightly disorganized purse will take this opportunity to pounce on this. They'll assume it's all her doing since the "(Bill's Version)" is an obvious homage to Taylor Swift. And argue it's way more likely the 24 year old cheerleader is behind it and not the gruff, cantankerous, galaxy-brained Boomer. But that would be ignoring the fact Bill himself is a big Swiftie:

But whichever one, or both, of them was driving force behind taking this legal action, you've got to admire the attempt. After all, patent, trademark, and copyright laws can be complex and tricky to navigate through. John Fogerty once lost a suit filed by his old record label, accusing him of "plagiarizing" a song written and performed by … John Fogerty. So this was worth a try. 

Still, it seemed like a real Hail Mary to me. The legal equivalent of going for it on 4th & 13 in The Super Bowl That Shall Not Be Named II, rather than let Stephen Gostkowski try for a 49-yard field goal. Maybe "4th & 2 Gate" didn't work out, but it made sense from a strategic point of view. It seems to me this had no shot at working in his favor. 

I'm not going to pretend to understand jurisprudence, but it seems to me no court would allow you to slap your name at the end of a trademark phrase someone else own the rights to and magically make it your own. Presumably Steve Jobs paid someone to come up with "Think Different." He doesn't then get to resell it to Samsung by adding "(Bob From the Ad Agency's Version.)" A car company can't go with "The Ultimate Driving Machine (Ford Focus Version)." Try advertising your Nevada brothel with "Finger Lickin' Good (the Bunny Ranch Version)" and see how long it takes for the lawyers to start throwing Cease and Desists at you like Ninja stars. If you could just do this, I'd go around telling Norm MacDonald's "Moth Joke (Old Balls' Version)" and work better clubs than I have been for 35 years now. 

I guess sometimes you just have to chuck it deep and see if maybe you can complete the throw or just draw a spot foul for DPI. "'You miss 100% of the shots you don't take.' - Wayne Gretzky -- Michael Scott." But this also speaks to how contentious the divorce with the Patriots was. No one batted and eye when the Kraft family trademarked those phrases. Back in 2009, '13 and '17, it felt like it would never end. Belichick would keep working for them and winning with them forever. Those catchphrases were just marital assets, to be shared on t-shirts and stickers and the Do Your Job documentaries. But now they're just something else for the exes to fight over. And as is so often the case, the new love interest wants a piece of that action.

Today it's "No Days Off," tomorrow it's the Frequent Flyer miles:

"You didn't always hate each other. There had to have been some nice moments during the courtship. Or the wedding?" Unfortunately, those days have long since past. And I don't think this is the last time Jordon & Belichick and the Patriots will be facing off in court.