Drinking is OUT: Alcohol Consumption in The United States Has Dropped to 54%, The Lowest in America Since 1939

What's that rule people say doctors use when determining how much alcohol their patient is actually drinking? They double the number, because they know their patients are lying? So if 54% of people in our country are "reportedly" drinking alcohol, that means in reality, 108% of Americans drink. The leftover 8% must be illegal immigrants. Perfect. Get your celebrity dog approved High Noon vodka lemonades, on sale wherever alcohol is sold.

Regardless, alcohol numbers nationwide are down. I'm afraid this country isn't as cool as it used to be. It's like more and more American's are somehow ok with being themselves, and having pleasant appropriate volume conversations without having to commit mass genocide on their brain cells to trick themselves into thinking this is a fucking blast.

I'm sorry, I only kind of mean that. Feel copping at a loud bar on the Jersey Shore was never my scene. But drinking is pretty fucking great. Arguably the greatest. Who could forget the first time they experienced the effects of alcohol and thought to themselves, "Oh I get it. This is what being a human being is supposed to feel like. I'm going to do this every day for the rest of my life."

Maybe the latter part of that quote was just me. It's funny how alcohol is the drug society deemed socially acceptable. Why is that? It sure as hell isn't because it's the safest. It's not because it tastes good. Look me in the eye and tell me you actually enjoy the refreshing flavors of a Raging Cunt Bastard-Slut Triple IPA. I refuse to believe it. America chose alcohol because alcohol makes you feel the best (and the coca plant doesn't grow well in this climate). 

When it comes to drugs, it's tough to beat alcohol. All things considered, it's by far the best bang-for-your-buck. It's so good that people will dedicate their lives to it, and disregard everything else that matters – friends, family, a home, their teeth, all of their dignity and self-worth. In New York City, I would see the grossest, dirtiest, most unhealthy looking homeless people you could possibly imagine, and they'd be happiest person on the whole damn train. Just piss drunk, singing songs, scaring the children, pooping into their own hand as they quote Bible. On the verge of death, but having the time of their lives. Meanwhile, I'm sitting there beating myself up because I never invested in Bitcoin... I've convinced myself that my mild headache is stage 4 brain cancer... the turnpike is texting me about $48.01 in unpaid tolls. But drunk homeless guy doesn't have those worries. He won't have a pillow to lay his head on for the rest of his life, but thanks to alcohol, he doesn't have a another care in the world. He's as happy as a clam.

At least in that one very brief moment he is. And I suppose there are probably some other substances responsible for his care-free demeanor as well. I would also imagine there have been some unfathomably dark moments his life that led to him throwing in the towel on it completely. But that's the thing about giving up and making alcohol your only purpose. For at least a moment, it fixes everything. When your alcohol runs out, your only problem is getting more. And as luck would have it, there's a limitless supply. 

Where was I? That's right... Why is alcohol consumption down in the United States? According to an article published by Time Magazine, Gen Z is to blame.

TIME – “It is becoming clear that, for whatever reasons, today’s younger generations are just less interested in alcohol and are more likely than older generations to see it as risky for their health and to participate in periods of abstinence like Dry January,” said National Institute on Alcohol Abuse and Alcoholism George F. Koob in a statement.

Is Gen Z actually listening to doctors? Did TikTok deem alcohol cringe? Is alcohol unc? Or maybe video games have just gotten THAT good. I saw a story yesterday claiming the average gamer spends $325 on video games per year. Which didn't seem like an especially crazy number to me, but allegedly, that's up from past years. 

Or maybe alcohol consumption is down because marijuana is legal pretty much everywhere now. People are substituting one mind-altering substance for a healthier, less-destructive alternative. I could see both of those things playing a role. Nothing makes me not want to leave the house and spend money on drinks more than the combination of smoking weed and owning an PS5. 

Whatever the reason, Americans aren't drinking alcohol like they used to. Especially younger generations. Not like they were back in the 90's, when the minute kids got to high school they were drinking malt liquor, swapping AIDS like Pokemon cards, and killing people with skateboards.

(If you've never watched that movie, don't. I recently watched 'Kids' for the first time after hearing it was a "highly influential piece of media". I watched it right before bed. I could barely sleep after. Not only did 'Kids' have me mentally fucked up for a week, but I'm pretty sure I'm now on a list for watching it) 

Thankfully, according to statistics, that behavior is a thing of the past. Gen Z is perfectly content to spend their time smoking electronic weed sticks and playing video games from the comfort of home. A home they don't own. Because all the homes have been scooped up by drunk Baby Boomers who won a few hands of blackjack in the 1970's and bought a 3-bedroom ranch off of it.