Man With World's Largest Penis Informs News Outlet He's Horrifically Embarrassed That His Enormous Penis Caused Him to Trip in The Shower
Ken McKay. Shutterstock Images.
NY Post – We’ve heard of people whose mammoth members have injured their partners. However, a UK man with the world’s largest Johnson reportedly hurt himself after slipping and breaking his arm in the shower because his titanic tallywacker got in his way.
“It was a very embarrassing accident,” Matt Barr told Jam Press of the phallus-induced injury.
Egg on Matt Barr's face. How embarrassing. So embarrassing he was forced to go to British media company Jam Press with his tail taped between his legs and shamefully address the incident to the news. For at least the 2nd time.
The AI specialist frequently goes viral for his enormous unit, which, at 14.5 inches long, is reportedly the “biggest medically proven penis in the world.” Barr even has a cast of his jumbo Johnson at the Phallological Museum in Iceland.
“One of the issues with being so large, especially in hot water showers, is that it’s not exactly easy to see my feet,” the London resident recalled. “As I was rushing to get ready for work, I didn’t see the excess shower gel in the tub because my penis was the only thing in my eye line.”
He explained, “I slipped on it, causing me to fall out of the tub completely headfirst and crack my shoulder on the hard floor.”
Shlong story short, the well-endowed Brit sustained “two fractures,” which left him in excruciating pain and forced him to wear a sling.
To be fair to Matt Barr, as anyone who has ever broken an arm can relate to, nothing is worse than constantly having to answer questions from friends, family members, strangers, talk show hosts, etc., about how you did it. By getting ahead of the story, when people see Matt Barr walking around town, they'll already know, "That's Matt Barr. He fell in the shower because his penis is so big he couldn't see the ground." That saves Matt time.
Giant penis guys really do have it tough. Big penis guys have it great. But to be a GIANT penis guy legitimately would suck. It's like living with a disability, but instead of getting any sympathy, people just hate you more for it. Or treat you like a circus animal. Or write shitty blogs with cheap dick jokes.
To be double fair to Matt Barr, the only good things that come out of a dick that big are porn contracts, and being able to brag about it publicly. So any chance you get to remind everyone that YOU are the man with the biggest dick in the world, you gotta take it. At least once every few years or so. Because there's not much good that comes from it practically. It's quite literally too big for him to shower safely.
He added, “I’ve always been anxious about going into public showers because of the reactions I get, but now I’m a bit scared of private ones, too.
And you can't sit down on the toilet to shit and take a piss at the same time. You have to piss standing up, then sit down and drape your dick over the side of the rim. Or install some sort of penis holder on the front so it's not submerged in toilet water.
You also can't just pick up any woman at the bar with a 14.5 inch dick. If you want to meet women cavernous enough to have regular sex with, there's really only two places you can live. You can either live in the San Fernando Valley (porn capital of the world) and try to meet an experienced adult film star, or move to Tijuana and compete with the donkeys. But seeing as he lives in the UK, the only real option he has is waiting in a 1,000 person line for the opportunity to woo Bonnie Blue. Which come to think of it… might actually be a match made in heaven.
You know who's really making out like a bandit in this situation (if he played his cards right). The more famous Matt Barr, aka Psycho Derek from One Tree Hill.
Ok that's a bit of stretch. But if you're a random "Matt Barr" out there, it'd be pretty cool to whip out a "Matt Barr Has The Biggest Penis in The World" article every now and then. Or have a friend introduce you like, "This is my friend Matt Barr. Matt Barr has the biggest penis is the world."
Technically that is not a lie. At the very least it's a funny ice breaker that immediately gets the conversation revolving around your penis. There's something there for the Matt Barr's of the world.