Candace Owens Quadruples Down on Her Claim France's First Lady is a Man With Her WILDEST Theory Yet

YASUYOSHI CHIBA. Getty Images.

A good Conspiracy Theory is a sort of art form unto itself. In that it's the easiest thing in the world to create a bad one. ("A very small ethnic group manipulating everything is the reason we lost The Great War.") But it requires certain elements to create a good one. It has to be interesting. There needs to be some sort of evidence. And above all, it needs to be plausible. That's why the theories around UFOs, the JFK assassination, the World Economic Forum, and the Clintons:

… have such staying power. They all put enough smoke in the air that you can reasonably infer there's a fire there. 

Which is a standard all conspiracy theories should be held to. So to all you who believe, I'm not saying Hollywood celebrities aren't harvesting adrenachrome from the blood of kidnapped children in order to stay young looking. I'm merely saying that you're going to have to give us more to go on than weirdo Reddit posts. 

Whether Candace Owens claim that French First Lady Brigitte Macron is a man achieves that standard, remains to be seen. But one of the great things about the legal system is that it requires you to present evidence to back up your claims. And that's exactly where this beef is headed:

Now, reportedly, the First Couple have presented all the evidence that Mrs. Macron does not, in fact, have man parts. Even that the reproductive organs she does possess have reproduced some babies, which if true, would seem to be definitive proof:

Faced with that, Owens seems to be moving the goalposts. From "Brigitte was born a man" to "Brigitte was replaced by a man." Her own brother, in fact:

…feels like to me." 

To quote Norm MacDonald a second time (you can never have enough Norm), "I'd like to see who's in the grave of the guy who invented The Ol' Switcheroo." 

So we've gone from "You were born a man and I'll prove it in court":

…  behalf of the entire world…  On behalf of the entire world, I will see you in court." 

Discovery in this lawsuit is going to be generational.

… to "I'm now arguing this other thing that there's no evidence of but I have this feeling so trust me on this" in the span of a few days. 

Which brings us quickly from a theory that would be incredible if proven. That the leader of a major nuclear superpower and his wife have been very publicly living a lie, to just a Fan Theory. This new one Owens has landed on is right out of Beatles lore. That Paul McCartney was killed in a crash while driving a VW. Because the cover of Abbey Road has a Beetle in the background with license plate "28 IF" because he would've been 28 IF he'd lived to see the album's release, and the four of them crossing the street symbolize the minister, the mortician, barefoot Paul is the deceased, followed by the gravedigger. And he was replaced by a lookalike named Billy Shears, the first person character in "With a Little Help From My Friends." Those goofy theories are fun to talk about when you're listening to Strawberry Fields Forever and you're high as a lab rat on Bubba Kush Indica. But no one buys it any more than anyone really believes the Earth is flat. "There are Flat Earth Societies all around the globe," and all that. 

So unless Owens can do better than her "feels" with "no evidence," this is going to be a very expensive game she's playing. At least the Beatles made the cover of Sgt. Pepper look a little like Paul's funeral. With Brigitte Macron, she doesn't even have that. 

Besides, I was perfectly happy with the very proven fact that Brigitte and he started doing it when she was his high school teacher: