Forget the Moon Landing. The Hot New Conspiracy Says the Blue Origin Mission Was Faked.

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Maybe we should've suspected all along. Perhaps it was too good to be true. It could be that we were all just being naive when we chose to believe that humanity was finally ready to boldly go where no one had gone before in style. Not with super serious test pilots and assorted uggos like in the past, but with glamorous celebrities:

But you know what's said about things that sound too good to be true. 

We live in a time when millions of rational people truly believe that the Apollo moon landings were faked. The most common rumor being that Stanley Kubrick filmed them on a sound stage after his stunning success with 2001: A Space Odyssey. The theory being that the "astronauts'" shadows often don't line up properly with the sun. The images hills and craters in the background have been altered. And besides, the Van Allen radiation belt would've cooked the crew like microwave popcorn as they passed through it. All this despite the fact the Apollo project lasted a decade, had 400,000 people working on it, had millions of pages of documentation, and oh yeah, moon rocks to prove it happened. 

The Blue Origin mission is another thing entirely. An 11 minute trip to the upper atmosphere on a completely automated "space" craft owned and operated by a private corporation? That could be as easy to fake as Katy Perry's lip syncing at the Super Bowl or Lauren Sanchez' implants. 

From the liftoff, which did actually look like the sort of cheap, low grade CGI Disney has been using of late:

… to the landing, where audio of the Astronettes on board didn't exactly reflect the visuals the rest of us were shown:

… all the way through to the "recovery," which hit a snafu when the super important safety hatch whose proper functioning means the difference between life or flaming, charbroiled death to the cat-suited hotties inside, popped open before the rescue team even got to it:

At least, many people are saying: 

Source - After the New Shepard capsule landed, Blue Origin founder Jeff Bezos proudly wrenched open the hatch with a specialised tool to greet the all-female crew.

However, footage from just minutes earlier clearly shows the capsule door being opened from the inside before being hastily shut.

Internet-dwelling conspiracy theorists have seized on this strange moment, hailing it as 'definitive proof' the mission was faked. … 

On X, many commenters who already had their doubts about the launch have seized on this embarrassing door gaffe as a clear sign their theories are correct.

One commenter wrote: 'It was fake. The girls opened the door to begin with from the inside with no tools.

'They then waited a few minutes, and Jeff Bezos stepped up with some sort of tool and acted like he unlocked the latch.'

Another commenter chimed in: 'Can't post this fake s* enough. Door opens from the inside, they're told to close it because the door can ONLY be opened by an outside person.'

While one commenter wrote: 'This s* is so fake. Watch the door be opened from the inside; then they need a tool to open it from the outside.'

The main reason theorists latched on to this detail was the belief that the pressurised cabin shouldn't have an inward opening door that could be operated by passengers.

Typical spacecraft have doors that open outwards and require a team of technicians working from the outside to unlock.

Like, for example, this typical spacecraft:

A heavy duty, sealed, pressurized door that opens out and absolutely needed a trained member of the recovery unit to open it. Boeing can barely keep a door on a passenger jet, but even they require someone to throw a safety latch and give it a mighty shove to open it up. Whereas the one Katy Perry and her fellow travelers came out of had all the structural integrity of the screen door on an RV.

Weren't these ladies strapped into adult-sized child safety seats? I've seen enough space travel documentaries to know the astronauts typically have to be buckled in and then unbuckled by their support team. But here someone popped out of their seat like they just scored a prime parking spot outside of Home Goods and couldn't wait to get shopping for nick-knacks. And the fact the hatch opens in makes less than zero sense. That capsule can't be more than, what? 10 feet around? And it's packed to the gills with celebrity chicks. So why on earth wouldn't it open out, where you've got an entire desert worth of room to swing around in? 

Furthermore, why aren't they wearing helmets? In about 40 states you're required by law to wear one to ride a bike, but the cast of MILF Island didn't even have to put on as much as high school wrestling ear guards. Did the insurance company Jeff Bezos went with know his passengers were going to have less head protection than the guy operating the scissor lift at Home Depot, just so they wouldn't have  Helmet Hair in front of the cameras?

Also, people who pay even closer attention to this stuff than I do have pointed out that the capsule slides a few feet upon impact. But when they exit the vehicle, the ground around them doesn't show a crater or as much as a bush out of place:

Personally, this is my kind of conspiracy theory. Just plausible enough to be valid. The kind of thing you'd expect from a billionaire with a high-maintenance, wife who wants to be in the public eye at all times. Plus other women who are losing relevance fast (Katy Perry, Gayle King) or who nobody recognizes (everyone else). All Bezos would need to pull this off is to blow a few billions to fire up an empty rocket, have the capsule land safely, stage the "recovery" a safe distance away, pay everyone involved enough to sign NDAs and keep it quiet, and he's home free. Instead, they cocked it up with a cheap movie prop capsule, and a crew too dumb to leave the shoddy door alone for five minutes. 

The bottom line is, man landed on the moon in 1969. Women did not land in the desert on a Blue Origin spacecraft in 2025. Prove me wrong. 

PS. If I stop getting my Amazon packages because I said all this, I'm gonna be pissed.