Does Coachella Suck?

I know this is a bold statement but....does Coachella suck? From 2010-2015? No way. Now? I think the argument can be made that yes, it absolutely sucks.

It's certainly not the music's fault. With headliners like Lady Gaga, Green Day, Post Malone and nearly every single "popular" artist of the moment and more (Charli XCX, Meg the Stallion, Missy Elliott, etc etc.) you'd think this music festival would blow everything out of the water and be the time if your life. For some, I'm sure it still is! Celebrities, really, who have sectioned off areas to dance and carry on as you should - they're the ones having fun. Regular people? Not so much. 

Take a look at the first tweet I included in this blog - people are FINANCING their trips to Coachella??? Why?? So they can run around in the dessert and NOT dance to the biggest artists in the world? "Kelly, where are you getting this information?" Well, the first domino came from influencer superstar Alix Earle herself:

I gasped when I saw this video. Abracadabra absolutely blaring, Gaga rocking the stage and all I see is a sea of NPCs who think the fact that they are there, makes them cool. They aren't fans (clearly, not dancing) and I'm willing to bet they are only there to say "I went to Coachella." They probably spent a fortune on outfits, took selfies and videos at every single activation, maybe even took out a fucking loan to go to this festival….not for the music, but for the scene. Which, quite frankly, looks like ZERO fun. 

I'm sure there are pockets of excitement to be had - of course, you're with a group of your friends, you're getting dressed up and seeing HUGE music artists every day, you're bound to have a little bit of fun. But what about all of the people who have brain rot, thinking that "being there" means something? What about all of the brands who have bastardized the entire experience? Who can we blame - the influencers? Maybe some of them, but real ones have always been going to Coachella. It used to be the richy rich music festival, chic and mysterious in the desert. It always seemed a bit like the Bermuda Triangle to me or something. The ferris wheel acting as the North Star to beatniks and hypebeasts alike, meeting under the bright lights to "ABOLISH THE (oppression of the moment)" and to make sure we all "FREE (another country or state that has nothing to do with us)" while passing out mushroom chocolates and wishing they didn't wear so much leather. 

Coachella has jumped the shark so far that BERNIE SANDERS came out on stage to introduce Clairo, to a group of people whose mere presence at this festival directly contradicts everything Bernie Sanders has ever stood for. Is the irony lost on everyone else? 

Miss me with this. We also have stan wars happening where the headliners are concerned - Charli XCX fans are coming out in DROVES saying she deserved the spot over Green Day, to which she replied by wearing a sash reading "Miss Should Be Headliner"

Now, the argument of course can be made that "a festival that caters towards a younger audience should have younger headliners," and of course "BRAT was a movement!!!!" but I'll also say this - if you're Charli, and you're openly complaining about not being a headliner because you got second tier billing after GREEN DAY? I'm embarrassed for you. Charli's 32 years old by the way, she's not some spring chicken. She's the leader of the 20 year olds who want to fuck and party and she'll do anything to impress them, including disrespecting one of the greatest bands (and greatest performers) of all time, in Green Day. Who, I'm happy to report, responded cheekily:

Charli had to bring out Lorde and Billie Eilish to get an audience like that. Just saying!!!

So, moving forward - do we just want to deem Coachella the "festival for kids"? Stop having LEGENDS be the unappreciated headliners, and let all of these other people run around and make a mess of themselves for Tiktok? At this point, you couldn't pay me to go to Coachella. If Lady Gaga wasn't going on tour I might have considered it, but I know for a fact that this vibe is NOT it. Kids don't know how to party! They don't know how to go to concerts and enjoy themselves! All they know is screens, screens, screens. Us veterans need to either teach them how it's done, or give it up all together.