Leonardo DiCaprio's Girlfriend Makes it Clear She Does Not Want to Be Referred to As 'Leonardo DiCaprio's Girlfriend'

Dimitrios Kambouris. Getty Images.

Be careful what you wish for, I guess. You'd think being blessed with incredible beauty, jetting all around the world, getting paid to look good walking around in clothes and underwear, and dating the world's most legendary bachelor would be a pretty good way to go through life. But it's not all it's cracked up to be, apparently. You never know until you've walked in someone else's stilettos.  

Take Vittoria Ceretti, for example. As of this time last year, Leonardo DiCaprio still hadn't, as the kids say - or would say, if this was still 1995 - put a ring on it:

But nevertheless, she's breathing rarefied air. Since then, she's turned 26, and is still in the ballgame. Which means she's beaten the odds:

She's the Pete Rose of DiCaprio's girlfriends. Every time she laces up the lingerie and steps out onto that bedroom floor, she sets a new record. But unlike Charlie Hustle, who craved that attention, she's not interested in the record book. In fact, the very fact I used the term "DiCaprio's girlfriend" is objectionable. Or so she tells Vogue France, who were interested enough in who she's dating to put her on their cover topless and ask her about it:

Source (Google translated from French) - So I get the subject: it's a well-known fact that you're in a relationship with a very, very famous actor, whose teenage face was displayed as a sticker on your iPhone, on the last Victoria's Secret show. May I ask you a question about that?

It depends on the question.

As a teenager, did you see Titanic? Did you like it?

Who didn't see it? Or not like? It's an iconic film…

Where did you meet?

In Milan. But I prefer not to go into detail.

Despite your career, do you think it's a risk of being labeled "copine of"?

Yes. As soon as you're in a relationship with someone who has a wider audience than you, you become the "girlfriend of" -- or the "coain of," by the way. And it can be extremely annoying. All of a sudden, we're talking about you as the thingsome girlfriend who was the ex-trick. So it's not nice to think that you can't love whoever you want, because of the labels that people need to stick to you.

Well, OK then. Duly noted. You and I might look at that Murderer's Row that came before her, from Gisele to Bar Rafaeli and Blake Lively, all the way through the order to Camilla Morrone and think it the title of "DiCaprio's Girlfriend" didn't do their careers any harm. But again, what do we know? We might think it landed her on the cover of Vogue France and got them to sit down and interview her, but apparently they're interested because … of some other reason. Because she's innately fascinating for the way she walks a runway or whatever. 

Not for the fact she's dating the guy whose "Jack, I want you to draw me like one of your French girls, wearing this …" scene jumpstarted the puberty of every 42 year old MILF in America, but in spite of it.

In the same way that Meghan Markle thought Vanity Fair wanted her on the cover to talk about her charity work and philanthropy, and not to talk about how she was marrying an Heir to the Throne of England, Ceretti thinks what is really fascinating and unique about her is the way she models dresses and underpants. Roger that. 

Let me just close by saying that I couldn't agree more. A person should be celebrated for what they've accomplished, not what world famous, highly desired person they're dating. 

Though to be clear, once Hayley Atwell gets around to dumping Tom Cruise and asks me out:

… I will not be offended if you drop the "Barstool Blogger and Regional Stand-up Comic" title and just refer to me as "Hayley Atwell's Boyfriend." That'll be a burden I can live with, thank you.