Hate All You Want, All I Do Is Win

Surprise, surprise—the bad guy won again. This isn’t Disney World; this is real life. And let me let you in on a little secret: nice guys always finish last.

The moment I heard Rone was running a 1v1-to-1 tournament, I knew I was going to win. Not because I’m the most skilled player in the office, but because I’m the biggest competitor. I knew it would be me against the world the entire tournament. Why would anyone want to see Nick Saban win another national championship? People love to hate greatness. It was like when LeBron left Cleveland for Miami—he went from league hero to league villain overnight, and it turned him into an unstoppable force. That’s exactly what I was in this tournament. The boos and the hate only fueled me, and in the end, I walked away with the championship and an extra two bands in my pocket.

But this isn’t the first time I’ve won. Since the moment I got here, all I’ve done is win. I won my job on a Game 7 bet with Dave. And if that wasn’t enough, I did it again when the Cats won Game 7 of the Stanley Cup. I’m undefeated in the biggest moments in sports. Add in the fact that my job was on the line this past weekend, and I single-handedly rallied Michigan to the Sweet 16—you’re welcome, Dave.

And yeah, I know how arrogant I sound in this blog. But right now, I’m in the mood to talk my shit. I’m a Summer Games basketball gold medalist, took down half the office, have a two-hand hog, survived hair loss, transformed into a shredded unit with abs, and now, I have a banner hanging in the rafters of the Chicago gym.

They can hate all they want—I’m just going to keep stacking dubs.