Dumping Them Out: St. John's, Wayne Gretzky, NBA Finals Matchups

Welcome back to another episode of Dumping Them Out. Happy March Madness everybody. I celebrated by purchasing a solo ticket and attending the Big East Championship game yesterday. Watched St. John's beat Creighton to win their first Big East title since 2000. That's some real New York shit right there. 

St. John's is really a fascinating team to watch. They spent about 75% of the game not being able to shoot the basketball whatsoever. They barely even attempt jump shots. But their defense is so insane, and they're so fast and strong that they can just win games without shooting. But then when they finally catch a brief stretch in the 2nd half where they hit a few shots in a row, then suddenly it's a 15 point game and it goes from being a dog fight to a blowout in the blink of an eye. I really wonder how many D1 basketball teams in the country they could beat without ever taking a jump shot. I bet it's over 100. 

Now that I've watched one St. John's basketball game in person, I'm fully convinced they're going to win the NCAA Tournament. I also saw this stat about Rick Pitino for the first time yesterday about how every team he's ever took over has improved drastically in his first season, then again in his second.

In general, that's so much more impressive to me than National Championships. We put so much emphasis on championships. Like championships are all that matter. But to be able to go to literally any team in the country, and be able to fully turn them around by the second season every time (and also winning a couple National Championships while you're at it). That is so much better, and cooler than say, winning 5 National Championships over the course of 42 years at Duke.

I just remembered this the other day and it was making my laugh. In June 2019, a "jukebox musical romantic comedy" movie called Yesterday hit theaters. I never watched it. But the plot is an Indian guy gets hit by a bus, then when he wakes up he realizes that he's the only person in the world who has ever heard of The Beatles. So he writes and performs all The Beatles music himself and gets super famous because of it. 

Then in August 2019, a "British comedy drama" movie called Blinded By The Light hit theaters. I didn't see that one either. But that movie was about a Pakistani guy who despite his parents disapproval of contemporary rock music, fucking LOVES Bruce Springsteen. I know India and Pakistan are very different countries. That Bruce Springsteen and The Beatles and different bands. I know premises of the movies are a little different. But when Blinded By The Light came out, you gotta think the Yesterday guys were kinda like, "Hell man.. you guys are really gonna drop Pakistani guy Bruce Springsteen movie 5 minutes after we did Indian guy Beatles movie? Like.. we can't just have that genre to ourselves for even one calendar year? Is the market for "western world learns about classic rock" movies really that hot? When does Indonesian guy discovers Tom Petty come out? Is there a Bangladesh/Nirvana crossover in the works? What the fuck.."

Wayne Gretzky is credited with the quote, "You miss 100% of the shots you don't take". Do you really think Wayne Gretzky came up with that himself? Or do you think some pee-wee hockey coach laid that on him as a kid. So Gretzky just always had that quote in the back of his mind, then one day when it became applicable to his situation he said it in an interview. Then as time went on, and people starting slapping his name next to the quote on motivational classroom posters, he just kinda rolled with it?

Maybe that quote really a Gretzky original. From what I can tell, it probably is. It just seems like a quote that would have been said before. A quote that would go back farther than we could even pinpoint to a single person. I also kinda like the idea of some random youth hockey coach in Brantford, Ontario seeing that quote attributed to Wayne Gretzky and thinking to himself, "That little shit… I taught him how to play hockey and he steals my fucking quote? What an asshole."

They could make a movie out of that. A movie about a pee-wee hockey coach who sets out to get revenge on Wayne Gretzky for stealing his hockey quote. Maybe the vengeful hockey coach elicits the help of the traveling Irish golf gang that Biz beat up outside the restaurant in Arizona. Maybe the movie ends with a violent confrontation between all of them on the set of NHL on TNT. That would do numbers at the box office on the Barstool Sports YouTube channel. 

Impromptu Speed Rankings of NBA Finals Matchups I Would Like to See For My Own Personal Entertainment Purpose 

1. Lakers vs Cavs - LeBron vs Cleveland would be ideal. Either he rips the city's heart out once again, or the city of Cleveland has the fairytale ending they deserve and gets the last laugh over LeBron. If it's ever going to happen, this is the year for it.

2. Lakers vs Knicks - Would really love to see the Knicks make the finals. Especially while I'm living in New York. LeBron rolling into to MSG with Godfather in hand. Maybe Spike Lee lays a hand on him during a game. A lot of hilarious potential there.

3. Warriors vs Knicks - Same thing but with Steph Curry. The Knicks haven't made the NBA Finals since 1999. I want to see it happen.

4. Lakers vs Celtics - I'm out on the Celtics. They're exactly like 2004 Pistons to me. They're probably the best team, they play great together, but I don't want to see them win. But I'd be lying if I said the Lakers vs Celtics rivalry didn't add some juice. But I would be 100x more interested in LeBron vs the city of Boston, than LeBron vs the Celtics' team.

5. Thunder-or-Nuggets vs Knicks - The Thunder and the Nuggets move my needle exactly the same amount. Which is not much at all. But The Mecca is still magical. You probably wouldn't get it unless you're a real New Yorker like myself who's been there twice and sat in the 400 section.

6. - Warriors vs Celtics - Maybe I'm being too harsh on the Celtics. I kinda feel bad for Jayson Tatum. I genuinely think he would have to average 50+ points per game for me to start thinking, "Nice I get to watch Jayson Tatum play". I kinda feel the same way about the rest of their team. Why is that? I can't quite put my finger on it. They just need one guy with some personality. Or one guy to hate. Or some sort of controversy. They need Porzingis to go live on Instagram with a gun. Or for him to bring a gun to the locker room Gilbert Arenas-style. If the Celtics can get a gun involved somehow, I'll be back in.

7. Thunder-or-Nuggets vs Celtics - Fine I'll take the gun-free Celtics as one big market Finals team over a Thunder-or-Nuggets vs Cavs series. Sorry Cavs fans.

8. Thunder-or-Nuggets vs Cavs - Ratings nightmare. Adam Silver would have to roll Caitlin Clark out there to take some three pointers at halftime to give the fans something to cheer for.