Mickey 17 Is A Mess, In The Lost Lands Is Horrific & More Movie Reviews
I'm going to every movie in 2025 that is in 1,000 screens or more. Some weeks like this week and that's a fun proposition. I'm genuinely interested in Black Bag, Opus and Novacaine. Other weeks like last one and this was a brutal chore.
Here are some mini-reviews of the movies that were in the Hellscape of last week:
Mickey 17 is a mess of a movie. To Bong Joon-ho's credit, it's a creative mess. It's his interesting world that he builds which is almost enough to save it from an atrocious second act, which is so pointless, you almost wish at certain points, that you'd have the same fate as Mickey 14.
Robert Pattinson is perfectly cast as this man who can die and be re-printed the next day. He has this weird accent and is likable enough to have you stick with him through the movie's many peaks and valleys.
The same can't be said for Mark Ruffalo, who spends the whole movie doing a bad Trump impression. People want to see interesting characters when they go to the movies. We don't want political takes that even SNL would reject.
It's a shame that the middle of this is so bad because the third act is surprisingly good and introduce a bunch of characters that are easy to care about. Having said that, this is a huge drop off for Joon-ho after Parasite. Hopefully, he got this out of his system so he can go back to making brilliant movies again. While this can be interesting at times, I can't recommend it. It's just too sloppy.
Mickey 17: C+
In The Lost Lands isn't just one of the worst movies I've ever seen. It's one of the worst anything I've ever seen. Worse than any TV show, song, sculpture, you name it. It's pointless, humorless and stupid.
Why was this movie made? Who could possibly enjoy this? If they made this movie in 1910, would people have even liked it then? I'm sure they would have been impressed by some of the CGI along with just having color and sound in the movie. But I bet that even those people would have hated the abysmal story just as much as modern audiences do.
Dave Bautista could have been nominated for a Best Supporting Actor in The Last Showgirl. He was fantastic in that. Why is he slumming in something like this? He's better than appearing in this version of Mad Max: Fury Road with major brain damage.
Paul W. S. Anderson should no longer be allowed to make movies. He's been making absolute dog shit for decades now and we're all worse off for it. I'm a lesser person for having seen this movie and I hope all of you can avoid this punishment for your own sake.
In The Lost Lands: F
Rule Breakers is too long and has some uneven performances but is ultimately saved by having its heart in the right place. You care about the people in this and what they are trying so hard to achieve.
This tells the story of a woman in Afghanistan determined to teach young girls there about computers. This leads to four of these girls competing in robotics competitions all over the world. It's at its best and most compelling when you see the massive hurdles they must go through even to get visas or their robot shipped. That their mentor Raya Mahboob is able to cut through all of that red tape is impressive.
If you have a daughter or niece that is interesting in STEM, this should be a must watch. It's also the rare Angel Studios movie that doesn't force religion down your throat. I recommend Rule Breakers. It's not a perfect movie but the story is an important one and it's told with care.
Rule Breakers: B-
Riff Raff reminded me of those knockoff Pulp Fiction movies that were everywhere in the late 90's. They tried to mix crime and comedy and were never quite as smart as they thought they were.
Much like those movies, this also has a far better cast than this script deserves. Despite some big names like Bill Murray, Pete Davidson and Jennifer Coolidge, the only person working his ass off here is Ed Harris. He's carrying the entire movie (at least until the horrible epilogue which makes the ending of The Brutalist look amazing).
This is a perfect example of a forgettable movie except that it didn't seem to be promoted at all. I never saw a trailer or ad for this. Yet, it popped up in over a thousand screens on opening weekend. If you're on the fence about seeing this, ask yourself if you want to see a mostly unfunny Bill Murray play a mob boss from Boston.
Riff Raff: C-
I can't recommend Deep Breath but that makes it sound worse than it is. It's a very competent movie that doesn't really do anything wrong. It's just so clinical in the approach that it's hard to connect emotionally.
This is also a waste of Woody Harrelson. It's not that he's miscast. It's that anyone could have played his role and the movie wouldn't really have been better or worse. Last Breath doesn't really care about acting. It's much more focused on showing you exactly what happened. It's the instruction manual of underwater action movies.
This probably best watched late at night on a streaming service. It can be a pleasant enough distraction while you battle insomnia. One plus is the run time is short enough and avoids a lot of filler.
Last Breath: C+
The cartoon/zombie mashup in Night Of The Zoopocalypse isn't the worst idea. But when it's the entirety of a 91 minute movie, it wears thin long before it's over.
This is about a zoo in Canada that has a small meteor hit it. The animals in the zoo start to turn into zombie-like creatures. One big issue is that these zoo characters are pretty boring. The creators seem much more interested in talking about 50's/60's horror tropes that the movie that's right in front of us.
My other major issue is that this takes place at night. It's all very dark so you can't see the animation clearly at all.
There are strands of an interesting movie here but I was beyond bored by the end of this. It's shocking that this was even released on theaters. It felt more like something you'd see on streaming to act as a babysitter for an hour and a half.
Night Of The Zoopocalypse: D+
2025
1)Presence
2)The Damned
3)One Of Them Days
4)Paddington 3
5)Valiant One
6)RULE BREAKERS
7)Heart Eyes
8)MICKEY 17
9)LAST BREATH
10)Flight Risk
11)Den Of Thieves 2
12)Dogman
13)Companion
14)Becoming Led Zeppelin
15)Captain America: BNW
16)RIFF RAFF
17)Inheritance
18)NIGHT OF THE ZOOPOCALYPSE
19)The Unbreakable Boy
20)Brave The Dark
21)Wolf Man
22)The Monkey
23)Love Hurts
24)IN THE LOST LANDS