Confirmed: It's Big Enough For "To" Hands

It’s been a wild couple of days, to say the least. I’ve gone from the highest of highs to the lowest of lows. At one point, the city boys gave me the key to the city, and I felt on top of the world. But as the saying goes, what goes up must come down, and my heart dropped to my stomach after receiving a terrifying text.

I’m still a little hesitant to talk about what happened on Friday’s episode of The Yak, so I’ve just been reacting to what seems like every other Barstool channel’s take on it. Of all the clips that have come out of this Jerry Springer-esque scene between Annika and me, my favorite is, without a doubt, the one Son of a Boy Dad posted. If there was ever a clip that truly embodied me as a person, it’s that one.

There I was, minding my own business, when I got a text from Rone asking if I had a hog. At first, I thought he was asking if I had a dog, but after processing his five-word question, I responded in the most Nicky Smokes way possible. A simple "yes" didn’t feel like enough—there had to be a reason he was asking—so I gave him a reference point and shared some of the feedback I’ve received from girls who have, well, sampled the goods. "It’s bigger than most, and most girls can fit to hands on it when they give me head."

I was being honest—and humble. It wasn’t a flex, just the truth. And although they laughed at my description, the best part was my dumb ass spelling two as to. By the time I realized my mistake and tried to edit it, it was too late (you like that wordplay on too? I know you do).

But it didn’t stop there. After Son of a Boy Dad posted the clip, I saw someone reply, asking my ex if she could confirm the "two hands" allegations. I was fully expecting her to lie and make me look like an idiot—but she didn’t. Instead of throwing me under the bus, she confirmed it. And for that, I owe her one. She didn’t have to do that. 

She didn’t have to validate my hog for the entire internet to see—and that, I respect.

So to my ex and Son of a Boy Dad—thank you. I love you both.