Ranking Christopher Nolan Films I Just Watched For The First Time

As I’ve gotten older, I’ve realized it’s better to make fun of yourself before others do. So yes, I’m the idiot who misspelled The Prestige—not once, but twice. And no, it wasn’t autocorrect. I was just being illiterate.

I’ve spent the last 25 years of my life being an uncultured swine, so I decided to make a change. When it comes to movies, I know nothing. I might know more Chinese than I do about films—that’s how little I know. So every Sunday, I ask Twitter to put me onto some classic movies. Then, I sink into my couch and watch these classics for the first time. This Sunday was a Christopher Nolan marathon. I didn’t just watch one of his masterpieces—I watched three: The Prestige, Prisoners, and Inception, back-to-back-to-back. My brain still hasn’t recovered.

So forgive me if I sound dumb while ranking these movies—I’m typing this with half a brain.

Prisoners – 7.5/10

Prisoners is a fantastic movie; it’s just not my type of movie. I’m not the biggest fan of watching kids get abducted—it’s just not my vibe. For some odd reason, a lot of women seem fascinated by these kinds of films, but that’s not the case for me.

Despite the insane twists, even I shouldn’t have been able to figure out who kidnapped the kids halfway through. But the second Keller sat down with Alex’s mom and she mentioned losing her son to cancer after spreading the word of God, I knew it was her. So I spent the next hour screaming at my TV: “It’s the old broad!” Turns out, I was right.

And maybe I’m just being a baby, but I don’t like movies with Sopranos-style endings. We heard him blow the whistle—let me see you pull him out of the ditch.

Inception – 9/10

I’m not gonna lie—watching this movie last was a mistake because it took the most brain power to understand. Add in the fact that I had just finished watching The Prestige, and I was basically processing Inception with 20% brain power.

Regardless, after pausing and rewinding multiple scenes just to keep up, I have to say—this film was fantastic. The concept alone is something you’d have to be tripping on acid to come up with. But no matter how they thought of it, the execution was perfect.

Planting the idea in your wife’s head that her reality isn’t real—leading her to kill herself—is one of the wildest plot points I’ve ever seen. And then you add in the fact that they had to go into what felt like six different layers of subconsciousness just to convince a guy to shut down his family business—a business his dad wanted him to end anyway. The whole thing was insane.

All in all, it was an outstanding movie. But it wasn’t the best one I watched that night.

The Prestige – 10/10

This might be the greatest movie I’ve ever watched. Never in a million years would I have thought I’d enjoy a film about two magicians—but my God, am I glad I did.

The rivalry between Borden and Angier felt like watching prime Brady vs. Manning. Two GOATs going at it. A beautiful sight to see.

And the ending? One of the greatest mind-fucks of my entire movie-watching experience. At first, I thought, Oh my God, Angier is a genius! He framed his biggest rival for murder and took his daughter. But then—boom—turns out Borden was always one step ahead.

The fact that Borden and his “engineer” were actually the same person sharing a life broke my brain. Not only were they the same on stage, but they literally lived the same life offstage. Each of them fell in love with a different woman—but as we all know, you can’t half-ass a relationship.

The closing scene sent chills down my spine, and I’m still thinking about it this morning.

All in all, it’s safe to say—I finally understand the Christopher Nolan hype.