Just in Time for Free Agency: The Patriots Have Dropped From 29th to 31st on the NFLPA Report Card

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Well, it's NFL Players Association Report Card time once again. For the Patriots, even in the best of times, coming to New England was never about having a good time. Those came during Hat & T-Shirt games, Duckboat parades, and ring ceremonies under the tent in Mr. Kraft's backyard. The rest of your time was spent living an austere life of self-denial. Part monk, part Spartan warrior. Fun was for the guys on teams that were .500 and went home right after New Years.  

Unfortunately, during the Dynasty Era, the Report Card didn't exist. Since its invention, this has been a time of year for pointing out that "Dumbass" has an "A" in it:

But if you've been following along - and since you're here, you definitely have been - this is not the best of times. In this post-Dynasty hellscape we're living in, the report cards have been nothing short of a cataclysm for a team hoping to rebuild through free agency. Last year especially:

Which prompted Mr. Kraft to heavily invest in making improvements to up the grades:

But apparently all that expense has had the same effect as the winter I spent paying a math tutor and driving my kid 25 minutes to work with her once a week. Which is to say, the Pats have improved from outright flunking to a barely passing grade:

NFLPA - The Patriots rank 31st overall this season, but there are signs of progress. Following last year’s report, owner Robert Kraft announced a $50 million investment in a new facility adjacent to the stadium, which broke ground in December and is expected to open in 2026.

After receiving an F- last year for their treatment of players’ families, the team made immediate improvements, including hiring a staff member to manage family services and adding a family room and daycare during games. These changes were well received, and players believe that family support is now the team’s biggest strength.

However, key facility issues remain, including the need to renovate the building, a cramped weight room, and outdated locker rooms. It is anticipated that those issues will be fixed when the new facility opens.

Additionally, team travel remains a significant concern—only 39% of players feel they have comfortable amount of space on flights when traveling to games. The plane is dated – it lacks Wi-Fi and still has ashtrays in the seats.

One common theme around here that has helped us survive back-to-back 4-13 seasons has been focusing on the few teams who rank below the Pats in everything. In order to say "Hey, at least it's not THAT bad!" In that way you feel better when you're at the end of a long line at TSA that's not moving and someone gets behind you. So thanks, Arizona for the boost:

Again, all of this needs to be put into context. There was enough eyerolling from a lot of Pats fans and media to cause blindness when it was announced the team was upgrading the family room and providing daycare. And the Krafts didn't get much credit for shelling out $50 million on brand new facilities. Because we've been emotionally invested a head coach who came up in a time when strong, rugged men sat on folding chairs in a store room watching game film on 16mm while ripping lung darts and pulling loose teeth out of their bloody mouths. And we didn't want to hear about state-of-the-art fitness equipment any more than we cared about playdates and Circle Time on colorful rubber safety mats under murals of Sesame Street characters. 

But that's the world the Patriots are competing in. This is dealing with reality on realities terms. Even if you buy two jumbo jets for your own private use, there's going to be somebody noticing it's got Reagan Era ashtrays in the arm rest and they can't get on TikTok while flying home from a loss in Miami. 

Hopefully potential free agents this year will be impressed enough with the effort to update the place to be willing to wait until 2026 for the payoff. “A society grows great when old men plant trees in whose shade they shall never sit," and all that. The Krafts have recognized theirs is no longer the destination it once was, so they're giving PA union members 50 million reasons to want to come here. For now, that and the chance to work for Mike Vrabel and with Drake Maye and Christian Gonzalez will have to do.