The Craze That's Sweeping Canada: Booing the American National Anthem

I'm no expert in diplomacy or international affairs. Or for that matter, even world geography, based on my history of Jeopardy! answers. 

But it's always seemed to me that the United States and Canada have a strange relationship. Probably unique in all the world. We're always reminded we share the longest undefended border on the globe. As well as a common language. (Ish.) Our troops have fought in practically every war together. (I've always argued Canadians don't get enough mentions during D-Day remembrances, since they took Juno Beach alone and were the only unit to reach their objective on time. But they sort of get rolled in with the rest of the British Commonwealth forces.) And we share teams in three of the four major sports.

But still, ours always been a strained relationship. (And as a Masshole who's been to Montreal for a bachelor party and Toronto for a ballgame, I can assure you I've added to the stress.) It's just too much of an asymmetric power dynamic to really work 100% of the time. One is the loud, extroverted, Hail Fellow Well Met who's always the center of attention. And the other is the sort of quiet, well-intentioned one who doesn't want to make a fuss or be a bother to anyone. I struggle to find a perfect fictional analogy, but maybe Hank Schrader and a pre-Heisenberg Walter White will do. 

Anyway, when I think of Canada, I'm always reminded of how Mike Myers described it to Conan O'Brien. He said it's essentially a country that really doesn't have to exist. Like, if it hadn't been invented, no one would've asked for it. And he, along with Norm MacDonald and John Candy, is one of that nation's greatest exports. 

Well now there's a dispute going on right now at the highest levels of power between our two nations. One involving the many manufactured goods that cross that aforementioned border. The same line on the map across which Canadians kept Americans supplied with sweet, life-sustaining alcohol during Prohibition is now the battle line in a trade dispute. 

In no way am I about to get into the politics or economics of this. It seems like another one of those issues that no one knew a thing about 10 minutes ago. But after spending 10 minutes on social media while sitting on the toilet, they're John Kenneth Galbraith. What I don't know about the effects of tariffs on a modern free market economy could fill every hard drive on Wall Street. 

What I do know is that Canadians are starting to take their frustrations out on "The Star Spangled Banner":

Even a 15-year-old girl on the mic in Toronto was not spared their wrath:

If you assumed at this point I'm going to go off on a rant about how outraged I am and how this is disrespecting our troops while they keep North America free from the Commie hordes or whatever, you've come to the wrong blog. 

I mean, I'm not a fan of getting my National Anthem booed. And frankly, I don't what Francis Scott Key's little poem did to deserve the abuse every time someone gets mad at the US. Other than be a preposterously difficult song to sing, it shouldn't bother anyone. But by this point, I get it. The Anthem is a big, slow-moving target. As great American icon Reggie Jackson so perfectly put it, "They don't boo nobodies." 

In a lot of ways, America is the world's WWE heel. The one everybody wants to see lose the title belt, but still the one they'll pay good money to watch and tell him how much he sucks. No one has ever wasted their breath to voice their anger and frustration at (all due respect) Luxembourg. 

If anything, it's almost charming to have our nearest neighbor booing the Anthem over something as civilized as trade policies. Given all the other stuff America has stuck our collective nose into - keeping endless wars going, assassinations, violent coups, smuggling operations, funneling money to shadowy groups, and fuckall whatever else - booing our song in your home arena over trade is actually kind of quaint. More along the lines of something you'd see at the Model United Nations in college than anything for us to get our authentic, American-made blue jeans in a bunch over. 

So have at it, good citizens of Canadia. Do whatever you need to do. Sooner or later this will all be resolved. Negotiations will begin and something will be worked out that will keep very wealthy corporate interests getting even wealthier. Things will got back to normal. The US will do something else that pisses off the most polite, good-natured people in the world. 

So boo the Anthem all you want. We'll just keep doing what we've been doing all along. Winning all the Stanley Cups. Making our own whiskey and our own maple syrup. Watching all your reruns of Letterkenny. And not giving anybody but ourselves a second thought.

 No hard feelings.