A Canadian Man's Dick Got Stuck To The Frozen Ground After He Got Thrown Out Of A Bar And I Have A Lot of Questions

TMZ - Getting your tongue stuck to a frozen pole sounds painful, but it ain't got nothing on this guy ... 'cause a poor unfortunate soul got his whole penis put on ice, and we've got the pics to prove it!

TMZ has obtained exclusive photos from outside a bar in Alberta, Canada ... in which first responders are working to wrench a patron of the establishment off the sidewalk.

This one ain't for the faint of heart -- or crotch, for that matter ... the man's member is basically glued to the unforgiving ice, and, he's not coming off despite all the others pulling with all their might.

We've blurred the photos here ... but, trust us, this gentleman's privates are clearly stretched before snapping right back to the ice. First responders seem to be pulling pretty dang hard right here -- nearly performing an impromptu circumcision on the street.

There's been a ton of sports blogs on the site for the past 12 hours, what with the Davis Luca trade and all. Knowing the comment section like I know it, a little too much sports coverage for its liking I'd say. So time to break things up with a little dick blog.

There are very few things in life more embarassing, or emasculating, as getting thrown out of a bar. 

Being asked to leave politely, and leaving like an adult is one thing. 

But getting Jazzy Jeff'd out of a place is always a bad look. 

In this case, getting tossed out of a bar, having your pants (and underwear) fall down, and getting your dick stuck to the frozen pavement may in fact be the toughest look of all time. 

Then professing, out loud for everyone- and the internet- to hear -

"I know I don’t have no fuckin hog or nothing, but these folks makin' vids n shit bout my tiny weiner… you try having a dick n gettin er frozen fuckin solid to the ground n see how small that shit gets," Blake McPhee said, according to TMZ. 

"Gone are the days a feller can get his wiener frozen fuckin solid to the ground without it going viral."

And he's got a point. 

Whatever happened to being able to get your foreskin Chinese-finger-trapped to the parking lot in peace?

You know how cold that ground must have been? Of course Blake's dick was going to look small. It's called science. 

Plus, growers are a real, proven, thing. 

But I do still have a couple questions. 

1- Why were his pants and underwear down to begin with? Was he peeing when he got escorted out? Is he one of those animals who gets so drunk and doesn't want to wait in the bathroom line so he whips it out against the bar and tries to go there? (Have seen this too many times to count. People are scum.) If so, then he got off easy in this and the penis stuck to pavement punishment was karma. 

2- Why didn't anybody go and get a cup of warm water? Or why didn't Blake try peeing to release the frozen bond? I know there's a reason that Zamboni's use hot water and not cold (it actually freezes quicker), but it would give him a split second to pull his dick skin off the ground without ripping or tearing anything. 

3- How do you walk away from this incident? There's no coming back from this is there? No matter how drunk this guy was, he had to have sobered up lightning fast once he realized the predicament he was in, no? Being at the mercy of the first responders, and security staff who just kicked you out, and having them help you kind of deflates whatever hostility and resentment you have towards them real quick once they save your penis. Does a group apology and handshakes work? Or does he owe them more? 

4- This bar has to memorialize that sidewalk now right? A bronze plaque or some kind of statue or something. All everybody wants now when they go out to a bar or restaurant is an "instagrammable moment". How better for this bar to capitalize on the publicity than to commemorate the slab of concrete that almost claimed a man's manhood? And allow others to recreate the moment?