Power Ranking The 3 Funniest Parts Of Michigan's 137 Page Response To The NCAA On How They Cheated
Listen, I really don't care that much because I'm a National Champion, but I made a goal to read each day. So I just finished reading all 137 pages of Michigan's response to the Notice of Allegations that the NCAA sent them, citing all of the ways they were caught red-handed cheating for three straight seasons. Now, I don't expect you guys to have to sift through the documents yourself, so I compiled a list of the most notable items, and here are my Power Rankings.
3 Funniest Parts of Michigan's Response:
#3 - Michigan Says We Only Cheated Sometimes, But Not As Many Times As You Think!
The NCAA says Michigan cheated 52x over the course of three seasons by purchasing seats at other stadiums to record sidelines and attached photos of them caught red handed. Michigan says NO, it was only the 8x - the other 44 were just gifts for friends. Try that on your wife - honey I know you caught me cheating 52x, but I really only had sex 8 of them. The other 44 we were just friends!
#2 - The Story of Ryan Day Hiring His Brother's Firm To Investigate Was Not Only A Lie, A Staffer From Michigan Ratted Themselves Out Because The Cheating Made The Uncomfortable
Remember how the Michigan AND national media ran with the story that Ryan Day hired his private investigator brother and started this entire scandal? Turns out it started from a TIP FROM THE INSIDE. Someone at Michigan tipped off the NCAA that they were cheating. At least one Michigan Man still has integrity!
And #1 - Sherrone Moore Hates Connor Stalions And Was So Mad He Cheated!
Sherrone Moore, who deleted all of his texts with Connor Stalions when the news broke, says he did so not to erase any connection with him, but to erase the memory of him - because he was so upset he cheated. And I quote “I was just extremely angry of the type of person that would do that to this program and these kids” - TRY THAT WITH YOUR WIFE. No honey, I didn’t delete my texts with that girl because I was cheating, it’s because I was so angry that SHE was!
Here comes the asterisk!!!