Why This Dolphins Fan Wants the Bills to Win the AFC Championship

Kevin Sabitus. Getty Images.

I can’t believe I’m about to say this. Honestly, even thinking about it makes me feel a little sick, but here it is: I want the Buffalo Bills to beat the Kansas City Chiefs in the AFC Championship game.

I know what you’re thinking—how can a die-hard Miami Dolphins fan possibly root for the Buffalo Bills, our biggest rival and abusive step father, to win the AFC Championship? Well, let me explain. First of all, I’m over Patrick Mahomes and the Kansas City Chiefs. What started as admiration for a dynasty has now soured into irritation. It’s not because of Taylor Swift or Caitlin Clark (let’s leave Dave’s dream three some out of this); it’s what they’ve done on the field this season.

The Chiefs, despite their impressive 15-2 record, feel like the luckiest team in the league. They’ve eked out win after win, including something ridiculous like an 8-0 record in one-score games. And don’t even get me started on the flopping, whining, and blatantly favorable calls they’ve received. It’s gotten to the point where I’d rather watch the team who bends me over year in and year out in the Super Bowl than them. Enough is enough—I’m tired of seeing the Chiefs in the Super Bowl year after year.

But let’s get to the heart of the matter: pain. As a Dolphins fan, I’ve endured my fair share of misery. When you’ve been stuck in mediocrity (or worse) for years, you learn to find joy in the misfortune of others—especially your rivals. Nothing would be sweeter than watching the Bills, a team that who not only bends over but smacks  my Dolphins on the ass time and time again, get their hopes sky-high only to see them crushed on the biggest stage.

Imagine it: the Bills finally conquering the Mahomes hurdle, only to lose in the Super Bowl, extending their legacy to an agonizing 0-5 in championship games. The thought of that level of heartbreak is enough to bring a twisted smile to my face. Call me petty. Call me pathetic. I don’t care. When your team is as dog shit as mine, you find joy wherever you can—even in the pain of others.

So, Buffalo, I’m rooting for you—but only to set up the ultimate punchline. Beat Kansas City, just so I can savor the poetic justice of your inevitable Super Bowl loss.