We Need To Outlaw The Formality Of Saying Happy Birthday
This was a point of discussion on today’s episode of KFC Radio. The whole crew thought it was looney that Dave refuses to say happy birthday to people. I guess this is a cold take compared to the rest of the room…but I think I agree with him?
I’m not just saying that I agree with it because he’s the big boss of Barstool so I want to pander to him. There’s not even anything from my past that would point to this being something I’d do. I just legitimately agree with him.
(Please delete this before posting, Nate. Not sure how it got here)
He is just legitimately right, though. Your birthday should be a time of peace and relaxation for you. The one day a year where you can do whatever you want because it’s YOUR day (Plus millions of other people, you aren’t that special. But that’s besides the point). The last thing you want to do on a day that is supposedly to celebrate you is field a bunch of messages wishing you a happy birthday.
There’s nothing worse than checking your phone when you wake up on your birthday and seeing a bunch of Facebook messages from people you barely know. It’s a nightmare start to the day! I didn’t respond to any of them this year and its been eating away at me ever since.
I just want to live in a world where this isn’t the case. You know how we do that? We finally institute rules for who can wish you a happy birthday.
DO NOT wish someone a happy birthday if you violate three (3) or more of these rules:
It has been over a year since you saw them
Your last text with this person was one of the two of you wishing the other a happy birthday
You don’t have this person’s number
This person doesn’t follow you back on Instagram
You’ve never associated with them outside of a work/school setting
They aren’t your friend, but your significant other’s friend
People wouldn’t send you a condolences message if they died
You don’t know something completely abhorrent about this person that would completely ruin their life if it ever got out
By the way fellas, my birthday was a few weeks ago, so I wouldn’t hate it if you dropped some happy birthdays in the comments. Or just call me a pussy. Whatever works for you.
Today’s episode of KFC Radio is a banger. Francis came through to dish out on everything Surviving Barstool related. Be sure to give it a listen.