Kim Jong Un Has Banned Hot Dogs, People Caught With Hot Dogs Will Be Thrown in North Korean Labor Camp
NY Post - North Koreans have reportedly been banned from eating hot dogs as part of a crackdown on Western culture infiltrating the hermit kingdom.
Dictator Kim Jong Un has declared that serving the sausage was an act of treason, The Sun reports, amid the rising popularity of a South Korean dish inspired by the US.
People caught selling or cooking hot dogs face the prospect of time in the country’s infamous labor camps, while Pyongyang has also decreed that divorcees could also be jailed.
As part of the regime’s efforts to quash capitalist culture among citizens, it has forbidden the sale of budae-jjigae – a dish imported from pro-Western neighbor South Korea.
North Korea has always been so fascinating to me. I would love nothing more than to be granted a risk-free year to travel North Korea with no restrictions. I just want to look at shit and talk to locals about how terrible their lives are. We know so little about the place. Most of what we do know is a lie. Sometimes I'll Google, "things to do in North Korea" which takes you to TripAdvisor, where there's a surprising number of reviews from western folk who seemingly vacationed there. Most of them visited North Korea's #1 tourist attraction, 'The Demilitarized Zone', where they take fun pictures like this.
North Korea also has a water park, zoo, ski resort, and a state circus. But that's just the stuff North Korea wants you to see. The real stories we get from North Koreans who have managed to escape are brutal. I once read about a woman who voluntarily sold herself into Chinese slavery, because that was preferable to regular life in North Korea. I've read that in order to survive a stint in North Korean prison, prisoners will catch and eat rats just to sustain themselves. The whole country seemingly lives in poverty. That's the stuff I have a morbid curiosity about. I want to experience life as a downtrodden North Korean field hand who works 16-hour days so my family can split a bowl of grass porridge for dinner as we watch a DPRK-approved documentary about our supreme leader's most recent vacation to Mars.
North Korea doesn't let us hear about all the juicy stuff. The stories that make it to us are bad in their own right, but they're always couched in something kinda cute that makes the story seem more silly, and less horrific. For example, Kim Jong-Un had his brother assassinated in an airport. But the assassinator murdered him with a chemical called, "Nerve Agent VX". She was also wearing an LOL shirt.
LOL. That's just classic Jong-Un. He's always up to something wacky. Whether it's firing dud missiles into the ocean. Sending balloons full of poop to his southern enemies. Making out with Dennis Rodman. And now banning his citizens from eating hot dogs under threat of being sent to a labor camp.
Hot dogs join a long list of very regular things that are banned in North Korea. Pro-western things such as blue jeans, Coca-Cola, high heels, sanitary pads, hot showers, naming anyone Kim, moving, referring to the country as "North Korea", not voting, not bowing, not serving in the military, bikinis, condoms, porn, South Koreans, being happy on July 8th, owning property, almost every single haircut, and pretty much anything that makes life convenient, or is capable of brining a person joy.
Sometimes I wonder if North Korea even exists. With all the conspiracy theories out there (flat earth, 9/11 jews, Richard Gere gerbil, etc.) I'm surprised nobody has come up with "North Korea is a fake country invented by Western nations to give us a common enemy and make us appreciate democracy."
It's not like anyone you know has been there. Idk who the hell these people on TripAdvisor are. I'm supposed to believe Mike G from San Francisco just had a grand old time at The Munsu Water Park? That North Korean locals erupted with cheers as he jumped off the 10 meter platform?
I might have to start perpetuating that conspiracy. Maybe that's how I end up getting invited to visit North Korea. I become the preeminent North Korea truther on the internet, until the sitting Kim Jong Un invites me to his private party mansion to prove how awesome and real his republic is. But when I get there, the government captures me. It was a trap. The didn't like my "North Korea is fake" slander. They force me into a labor camp and I finally get to experience the dark side of North Korea like I always wanted. I'll work as a North Korean slave for a year or so until eventually President Mark Cuban trades a dangerous arms dealer for my freedom. Then I write a best selling book and retire by age 45. Barstool isn't going to employ me forever. I need some sort of exit plan. That might just work.