Let Me Explain Something To You

I’ve always hated the word “mansplaining”… I find it a cop-out for the weak-minded who don’t want to learn. 

And I am not trying to be sexist here. If I happen to be explaining the infield fly rule to my wife, it’s only because I know for a fact that she’s never played baseball. Similarly, I might explain what a bouquet garni is to my friend Fat George only because I know for a fact that he’s never made a meal that couldn’t be replicated at your average gas station’s Snack Shop. 

And I’m not being hypocritical either. I get shit explained to me all the time. Sometimes they are subjects I need explanations for, and some are repetitive. Still, I don’t provide any negative feedback because the person doing the explaining is simply acting on the human instinct to make ourselves appear brighter by teaching what we have learned to others. It’s not based on gender, or race, or age… Sometimes you simply know things and you want to share those things with people who may not know them. 

Here’s a real-world example: I can’t for the life of me understand why people got excited when someone named “The Rizzler” visited our office a few weeks ago. 

NBC. Getty Images.

However, after a handful of my younger co-workers explained his appeal to me, I now still have NO clue why this kid has any followers whatsoever. 

But did I accuse the 22-year-old punk who tried to enlighten me of “youngsplaining”?

Of course not. 

Instead, I pretended to listen and then went about my merry way NO wiser than I was 10 minutes prior. 

And to further prove my non-hypocrisy, I realize that my wife never gave a fuck about the infield fly rule, and Fat George will never need to make a sachet filled with herbs and spices. But they both pretended to listen intently to what I was spewing because they are both decent humans who understand I have a big mouth. 

It’s a popular trend to shit on ABC’s “The View” because those ladies have extended their careers by “she-laborating” on topics they seemingly have not researched. But I don’t think those hosts are passing along misinformation because of their gender or race… I think it’s just a case of them being morons. Morons who could’ve just have easily been born with thick meaty dicks and still be that stupid. 

So as the word “Karen” slowly gets phased out of our lexicon, maybe we should consider adding “mansplaining” and "she-laborating" to the list of phrases that need to go. 

And if there is anyone who just read this and still doesn’t understand my reasoning, feel free to reach out and I’ll explain it in simpler and easier-to-digest terms, Sweet Tits.

Take a report. 

-Large