Top Three People I Should Be Mad At For Leaving My Apartment A Mess After Filming An Episode Of "Tank Cooks"

As some of you may know, Frank cooked at my apartment the other day. Why? I don’t know. I was asked if they could use my apartment, I said yes. I thought maybe a funny video of them burning it down would come out and it pretty much did, as you see above. It was funny. Perfectly executed plan by me. 

Then I got home that night. What I walked into was frankly shocking. Comical, even. It was as if they’d made it messier than necessary as a joke? It was cartoonish. 

There were dirty dishes in the sink, dirty dishes on the stove, food covered rags on my kitchen table, half-cooked food itself on my table, utensils all over the place, green beans on the floor, furniture in random places. The only thing missing was food smeared on the walls, which I suppose they didn’t get around to. 

I was furious. Steaming mad, pacing mad, teeth gnashing mad. I cleaned it immediately, it just needed to be out of my sight. When I finally got my home and myself clean I sat down and reassessed the situation. I thought, who are you mad at here? Who did something unexpected? Ultimately I settled on myself. I really shouldn’t have expected anything different and that still rings true. 

However, enough people have reached out to me saying what scumbag behavior it was that now I’m getting angry again. It’s like the opposite of when a baby falls and everyone runs over pretending things are fine. I was cool, I’d been through all the emotions, now I’m getting re-riled up. 

So, who is the biggest scumbag involved here

1) Frank - Frank has to be one. Frank is the “talent” on the “set” and ultimately the entire “shoot” falls on his shoulders. He’s the one who expressly wouldn’t allow people to clean up the mess they made in my apartment. Being angry at Frank is tricky. There’s a pretty goddamn big elephant in the room when discussing how mad you can be at Frank so that makes this whole thing messy. Frank is a 12 year old. Would you be furious with a 12 year old for leaving a mess in your house? No you’d probably think "why did I let a 12 year old cook to begin with?". HOWEVER, I would be mad at a 12 year old for not apologizing once it was brought to their attention that they did something wrong. Frank has yet to apologize. He’s RTd some people saying it’s funny but has made no attempt to seek forgiveness. Not that it would do anything other than make me feel awkward while I smiled and said it’s ok, but I did expect some form of apology. That has not happened. 

2) Nick - when Nick asked to use my apartment I half-jokingly said as long as you clean it after. It was a half joke because on what planet would that even need to be said? “Of course you guys are gonna clean it, have fun” I thought to myself with a chuckle as I sent that text. Foolish of me. 

3) Jenks - I don’t know, man, I guess this is the life you want. You want to be responsible for Frank, so now you’re responsible for Frank. To Jenks’ credit he has attempted to apologize. Incessantly, in fact. Too much. Jenks has apologized so much that now that’s weird too. I’ve been offered to “ball out” at dinner and without getting a yes from me Jenks bought tickets to a Bruins game that I won’t be in town for, so I hope he enjoys watching Sacco’s team out there. I don’t want to ball out at dinner and I don’t want tickets to a hockey game, I wanted to come home and relax. That didn’t happen, I’ll get over it. Trying to buy me off would be nice to some people I’m sure, to me it makes the whole thing feel weirder. 

That’s my whole list. Everyone else there has apologized and while I personally would’ve cleaned, I do understand the position they were put in. But really it all comes down to Frank, if we’re allowed to be mad at Frank. I’m not really sure what the rules are. 

PS - I just threw the dirty rags and towels they used in with my sheets, which were already in the wash waiting to be run. Turns out there was something in the dish rags that certainly stains and ruins sheets!