Imagine Falling in Love With Someone Only To Find Out Their Whole Personality Has Been Shaped By Hawk Tua's AI-Powered Chatbot Dating App The Entire Time

TechCrunch - Welch’s app seems like a fun and promising concept tailored for those navigating the world of dating and relationships. It resembles other AI-driven relationship coaching tools, generating responses to all sorts of relationship questions, whether you’re seeking advice on communication, conflict resolution, or simply how to have an enjoyable date. 

One standout feature is its ability to suggest creative date ideas based on your location and whether it’s your first date or your 10th time seeing the person. Additionally, the app offers outfit recommendations to help you dress appropriately for different dating scenarios, whether it’s a casual coffee date or an elegant dinner. It can also analyze your dating app profiles and provide feedback, such as engaging prompts or recommendations for adding more photos that show off your personality. Pookie’s “Flirt Meter” evaluates your text messages on a scale of 0 to 100 to determine their flirtatiousness. 

When it was announced that the Hawk Tuah girl would be offering dating advice through a new app, we expected the chatbot to embody her signature humor and bluntness.

I met my fiancee on Hinge. Which I think for the most part is accepted as a respectable way to meet someone nowadays. But even still, when I introduce her to someone like an extended family member for the first time and they ask us how we met, I'll say, "Umm, Hinge... hahah", and make some sort of joke about it. Because for some reason it still feels like kind of a bullshit way to meet someone. Like it's somehow less legitimate than meeting in the wild. Even though in reality all we did was match on the app, exhange maybe 10 total messages back and forth, then set a date to meet at a bar a few days later. 

So if meeting someone with the assistance of Hinge still feels a little bit silly to a regular person... imagine how you would feel if you made a connection with someone... text back and forth for a bit... go on a couple dates... you finally feel like you've found someone worth having in your life.... and then you learn the conversations you've been having have been guided by an app created by the girl from the "spit on his dick" TikTok soundbite. That a virtual Hawk Tuah girl rated your initial conversation starter an acceptable 8.2/10 on her Flirt Meter. That you went through a strict vetting process via handy tools like Hawk Tuah's Height Detector. That everything down to the girls outfits have been picked out by Hailey Welch herself, and the girl you think you might be falling in love with only deemed you worthy once the girl from the blowjob meme qualified you as a suitable "Forever Pookie".

Or imagine you thought everything was going great, but out of nowhere communication comes to halt. When you finally get a response out of her, she informs you that according to the star of the Talk Tuah podcast, you're likely to go bald within the next 15 years, and she simply isn't willing to take that chance.

Bald Predictor works by analyzing a photo of a person searching for potential patterns of hair loss. Height Detector uses proportions and surroundings to estimate height. 

Or maybe you don't even know she's being guided by Hawk Tuah's Pookie Tools, but a few months into the relationship when you have your first big fight, she starts a sentence with, "Well Hailey Welch says…" 

I'm sorry, I don't mean to belittle the sage advice of Hawk Tuah. Maybe she's the perfect person to guide you on your dating journey. But it would take a bigger man than me to look past the idea that my significant other's personality is being at all shaped by her, "signature humor and bluntness"

Be careful out there gentleman. You never know who you're dealing with. Just make sure you're paying attention to the signs. Clearly, if you ever find yourself being referred to as Pookie, it's time to move on. Or if you live in the middle of Ohio, but your date for some reason keeps showing up in an outfit that features boots & a cowboy hat, and she's slowly incorporating the word y'all into her vocabulary, there's a good chance she's paying $7/week for the advice of Hawk Tuah. If that's fine with you, more power to you. To be honest, I'm sure there are A LOT worse people out there who someone could take advice from. At least Hailey's heart seems to be in the right place.

P.S. Shoutout these guys who started "Talkin' Talk Tuah" where they break down the Talk Tuah podcast. It's a tough job. There's a lot of layers to that show. But somebody had to do it.