The Saddest NFL Stats of Week 10
Week 10 was an absolute disaster for the Chicago Bears. The very team that gave me the idea to start a sad football stats blog in the first place to give me an outlet to laugh instead of cry at my pathetic team. We all knew Matt Eberflus was a joke going into the season. But you know what? We trusted Ryan Poles. Like a bunch of fucking morons.
The only thing left to do at this point is take action into our own hands. I'm officially calling all Bears fans to boycott this team until heads roll in Halas Hall. #Bearcott. Anyone that goes to a game, or even puts merch on their Christmas list is officially a scab and enemy of the resistance. Publicly shame anyone that goes to the game. And don't even dare watch the game. Don't even listen to it. If Waddle and Silvy have any guts they'll demand ESPN chooses not to broadcast. They might pay for the rights, but that doesn't mean they have to.
UPDATE - THEY FIRED SHANE WALDRON TO PUT A BAND-AID ON THIS CORPSE OF A TEAM. EVERYTHING IS NOW SWELL
* Looks up at all the other sad fans waiting for their team's turn
Sorry. I know there's other teams to talk about to. But that's where we are at in Chicago. Let's get to it. Here are your sad stats for Week 10.
Sad Stat #1 - Matt Eberflus used the word "process" twelve times in his short press conference on Monday
If this dipshit says that word one more time I'm going to send him the union stockyards so he can get processed himself. The truth is this entire coaching staff is the worst staff I've ever seen. The only trainwreck of a coach that you could argue was ever worse was Urban Meyer. And guess what? He got fired midseason. We won't be so lucky. The Bears started their first three drives at the Patriot 48, their own 40 and own 48 and still failed to score. I'm in awe of their incompetence.
Luckily we at least did SOMETHING in firing Shane Waldron. That's never been done before either. I guess this is all part of the "process" of firing Eberflus next. What an absolute joke of a franchise.
Sad Stat #2 - The Jaguars are the first team to lose after allowing zero touchdowns with three interceptions since the 2006 "They were who we thought they were" Arizona Cardinals
This sort of thing doesn't happen often. Just a tough pill to swallow for a defense who created three interceptions and kept the opposing team out of the endzone. So we do have to give the Jaguars credit for that. But even more credit to their analytics department. Darnold threw two interceptions last week vs the Colts who (also to credit of their analytics department) wore all white uniforms to make them look like ghosts. The Jaguars went with the white helmets in effort to make themselves more visible to Darnold. Clearly worked.
Sad Stat #3 - Sam Darnold is also the last quarterback to throw three interceptions and lead his team to zero touchdowns since Sam Darnold
Who doesn't remember the great Darnold vs Osweiler off of Week 9 2018 in which both combined for zero touchdown drives and four interceptions (all Darnolds). I can answer that. I didn't remember because my brain is sharp in memory repression. I am a Bears fan after all. Practice, practice.
Sad Stat #4 - The Rams now have the fewest first quarter points scored in the NFL
Remember last week when the Eagles scored their first points of the season in the first quarter? Well there's now two teams with fewer first quarter points than the groggy starting Eagles. The Bears (shocking) with 13 points and the Rams with just 10. They would contribute zero of these Monday Night in their loss to the Dolphins.
This starts to lead one to wonder. Is Sean McVay washed? I get the injury plague they went through earlier this season, but you should be getting a lot more out of Matt Stafford.
Sad Stat #5 - The Cowboys have the 6th worst point differential in NFL history (going back to 1920 y'all) in their first four home games of a season.
"It's an advantage for us" - Jerry Jones
Quote of the year material, right there. Let's review the logic of this statement:
I mean - why not go the extra mile and build the world's largest blinds and flip them up and down depending on which offense is on the field? I'm not blaming Nathan For You on this one. Great idea. Poor execution.
Sad Stat #6 - The Titans and Patriots haven't had a winning streak since Week 11 2022
The Panthers won their second game in a row Sunday which ended their streak of no winning streaks since 2022. But both of these teams have a longer drought anyway by a few weeks. These two teams even played each other in Week 9 and had the Patriots not lost in overtime they would have ended their drought vs the pathetic Bears on Sunday.
That's it for Week 10. Eight more weeks of misery. I'll conclude this week as I'd greet Virginia McCaskey.
See you next Tuesday.
Catch up on last week's sad stats: