The Guinness Book Of World Records Has Lost All Integrity, And We Need To Do Something About It Immediately
I remember growing up that there were certain foundational institutions of truth that you could always count on. Wikipedia was a source you could trust with zero hesitation. You knew the New York Times was going to give you the news without any additional BS. You knew that ESPN was going to give you sports without any additional BS. And you knew that the Guinness Book of World Records? Well if someone made it into the GBWR, that means that they accomplished something truly special.
Getting into the Guinness Book of World Records used to mean something. It used to be an accomplishment that most folks could only ever dream about. But nowadays? Well now we have a world record holder for "most table tennis balls bounced and caught in shaving foam on the head in 30 seconds".
I mean what the actual fuck are we even doing here, Guinness? If catching ping pong balls in shaving cream on your head is deserving of a world record, then nothing is deserving of a world record. You shouldn't be able to just ad lib your way to a world record. You shouldn't be allowed to just create some obscure challenge that nobody else has ever even thought about and then call yourself a world record holder. If that's the case, I'd like to set a world record for the most blogs written by a guy wearing an Eric Lindros Quebec Nordiques jersey on a Monday in November. Put me in the book, Guinness!
Fact of the matter is that this country used to be great. But we were only ever as great as the Guinness Book of World Records allowed us to be. And if we just sit back and watch that Guinness Book of World Records deteriorate into a pile of flaming shit? Well then that's where our country goes as well. It's time to knock off the nonsense and make the GBWR great again.