Olympic 100m Dash Champion Noah Lyles "Nearly Loses" 50 Yard Race to a YouTube Streamer

Noah Lyles did the impossible this summer. He won the United States a gold medal in the 100m dash at the 2024 Summer Olympics, and managed to come out of the whole thing more unlikable than before. Which is a remarkable feat, considering he was already disliked by a large portion of America, due to his, "NBA teams should have to beat CSKA Moscow in a 7 game series before they're allowed to call themselves World Champions" take. But you'd think winning the 100m dash at the Paris Olympics would only improve Lyles stock. But after his 100m victory, he proceeded to finish 3rd in the 200m (which he was favored to win), and had himself theatrically rolled off the track in a wheel chair, citing a nasty case of COVID. 

Then he got butt hurt about being invited to an Anthony Edwards Shoe event. Then he called LeBron James mom a dumb bitch. Or something along those lines.

So after all of that, instead of people tipping their caps and saying, "That Noah Lyles guy sure is fast.". People decided that he was in fact a slow loser, and that they could beat him in a race. In particular, Tyreek Hill said he was faster than Noah Lyles, and eventually challenged him to a race.

Noah Lyles declined the offer. I believe Tyreek went from originally challenging him to a 100m dash on a track, then gradually changed the stipulations until it was a 50-yard race on grass. Which was a smart move by Noah Lyles. It's not like he had anything to gain from racing Tyreek Hill, aside from keeping his name in headlines instead of fading into obscurity, with the exception of popping up in the occasional Adidas ad, for the next 4 years.

But for some reason, Noah Lyles did accept a challenge from YouTube streamer IShowSpeed. I don't know much about IShowSpeed other than he's popular streamer, and he is legitimately a fast human. I also see him pop up on my Twitter feed barking like a dog from time to time. 

For some reason that's the guy who Noah Lyles decided to race. To be fair, there was $100k on the line, which Noah Lyles ended up donating to charity. So for that reason alone I suppose the race was worth his time. I'm sure $100k is a lot to him. It's not like he's making anywhere remotely close to NBA money. But despite beating IShowSpeed, the narrative following the race was essentially, "Wow, Noah Lyles is barely faster than a YouTube streamer".

If I can talk directly to Noah for a second… Noah… there is simply nothing you can gain publicity-wise from racing people. You're never going to come out looking great. For one, the internet has already decided that they don't like you. So no matter what, they're going to paint it like you "almost lost". You're never going to put your best foot forward and risk hurting yourself, so you'll never turn in a time representative of how fast you truly are. And if you do insist on accepting a race, stop letting these people shorten the distance. For some reason, you start races slow as shit. Everybody knows that. Even in the Olympic 100m final, which you won, you were nearly in dead last halfway to the finish line.

You're playing right into their hands. What you need more than anything is a new PR team. I'm not sure what you can do at this point to help boost your image. But somehow, just a few months after being crowned the fastest man alive, you're now perceived as "kind of a bitch", who is actually slow if you really think about it.

Stop racing people Noah. You're going to fuck around and accidentally lose. And the whole internet is going to dunk on you (sorry for the basketball term) once again. Just stay focused on your upcoming race in Istanbul, or wherever the hell the world's best track stars will race in front of a few thousand people next.