North Korean Troops Get Sent To Bolster Russia's War On Ukraine, Immediately Begin "Gorging On Pornography"

Imagine for a moment you are a twenty-two year old male halfway through a mandatory, ten-year military enlistment under a brutal dictatorship. You've never had a day off, your work days are generally 5am - 10pm, and instead of 'cool military stuff' you are mostly used as free labor on farms & construction sites. Currently there is no hope for dating/romance/marriage as it is not allowed until you are 30. Self-love is also out. You quite literally never have a single moment of privacy and have never had access to the internet. 

Then one day there is a buzz in the unit. Something big is afoot. You're called to formation and told you've all received orders to support an ally. You will be doing something you never even knew was possible - leaving North Korea. 

Weeks later you arrive at the Kursk border region to help Russia bolster their war against Ukraine. They have been taking heavy losses, and though you'd do anything for your Dear Leader it occurs to you that you may simply be canon fodder… A deep depression washes through your soul, but you're nudged out of your spiraling reverie by a Russian troop showing you something on his phone & laughing. 

By gawd, it's 가슴. (boobs!)

First off, incredible use of "gorging". Really paints the picture. And perhaps I'd think that Tweet was just a joke, but Gideon Rachman is the chief foreign affairs commentator of the Financial Times & none of his other posts are about folks j'in their ds. Also, knowing a bit about military culture I wholeheartedly believe it. Back in my day it was big ol' share drives that got passed around shamelessly overseas, and nobody was above the old school magazine. Where there was a will(y) there was a way, even if you had to fap in a 10,000 degree port-o-potty using a government issue sock rolled up with a lubricated ziplock bag wedged in the middle (AKA a 'Field Expedient Pocket Pussy').

So I have zero doubt these North Korean fellas are borrowing Russian phones & beating their meat like Rocky Balboa in a walk-in freezer. Also, how exciting for the Russians dudes to get to be the ones to introduce this to someone else for the first time ever. I get excited introducing a friend to a food or drink they've never tried before. Imagine that but with Flying 69. What a treat. 

Apparently these guys are wearing the same uniforms as the Russians & mixing in with them in batches here and there. So my big question is - if you're Kim Jong Un how the fuck are you reeling these fellas in when it's time to head back to North Korea? They are probably eating better, getting more rest & enjoying life more even if it's extremely austere & they might get their heads blown off. What's to stop them from waving white flags & sprinting across the battle lines to Ukraine en masse? Either way I'd be studying to fill up my spank bank like Ken Jennings studying to go on Jeopardy. 

Annnnnd the moment I wrote that last paragraph Donnie Does walked by right on cue with a buzzkill to those thoughts. They just interviewed a North Korean soldier who defected for the new Drop A Pin Podcast (episode out in a few weeks) and their guest said Kim Jong Un likely sent his most loyal troops & those from larger families. I suppose sprinting to freedom to gorge on porn might not feel as fun if you're whole family gets sent to a prison camp or worse as a result. Either way, interested to see how this #collab plays out.