I Had The Worst Attempt(s) At A Handshake With Mike Francesca The World Has Ever Seen

I know, I know. It's horrible. You watch the above video and you wanna crawl out of your skin. It'll keep you up at night. It's haunting. I've heard it all day....

You might not even realize at first that this isn't two angles of the same cringeworthy attempt at a handshake with Mike Francesca, but TWO SEPARATE cringeworthy attempts at a handshake with Mike Francesca. Would you expect anything else from me, though? This is coming from the guy who brought you this GIF a little over six years ago....

I am who I am! I'm as awkward as I look like I am! So what?! You expect the Star Wars guy to be the king of suaveness? I'm not!

….but really, on a serious note, I still can't believe how bad that was. I knew it was tough in the moment, but it was even worse looking back at the tape. I was hoping it'd slide under the radar in Stool Scenes ("who watches the NY Office anyway amirite?!") but as soon as I got the tag notification from 'VivaLaStool' I knew my ass was in the jackpot and started saying goodbye to my loved ones, with an Andy Dufresne style life off-the-grid in my future.

In the moment, I thought I would introduce myself right after Tommy introduced himself, cause Francesca was kinda going down the line of us, but didn't realize The Pope was still talking (so I pulled back), and then panicked when HE PUT HIS HAND OUT like he saw me try that and fail….

….and then I pulled back in shame a second time and took the L and just never introduced myself. I thanked him for coming at the end of the night but that was it. I was too ashamed to try a third time.

Honestly, realizing I double dipped and went 0-2 on camera was nearly as bad as watching the Dodgers celebrate the World Series on the infield as "New York, New York" blared over the loudspeakers at Yankee Stadium. Soul-crushing it a phrase I'd use to describe it….but again - I am who I am. I'd say this is pretty on brand, and I'll certainly never act like I'm above fucking up a handshake. And if you're a nerdy white bro reading this and thinking, "I'd never do that!" - STOP LYING TO YOURSELF!!! You know the internal panic of "Do I dap this guy up, shake his hand, or just give him a fist bump?" You know it!! You're not above it!

This one sucked tho. No denying that.