Tom Brady Has Run Afoul of the Language Police for Using an 'Ableist' Term to Describe Josh Allen

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It was only a matter of time before the newest Tom Brady action figure, Fox Analyst Tom, offended somebody. It was inevitable, given he's speaking extemporaneously for three-plus hours every week. A "if you put enough monkeys at enough typewriters" scenario. In his case, it took exactly eight games: 

Source - As Tom Brady continues to transition from quarterback to broadcaster, he’s still learning which words aren’t fit for national television. …

“Spaz” was a strange choice by Brady. It’s a term that has been deemed wildly offensive in the UK  because of its history as an ableist slur for people with disabilities, especially cerebral palsy. The term isn’t considered quite as offensive in the United States, but it’s still meant as an insult to describe clumsiness, stupidity or physical ineptness.

Two years ago, Beyoncé removed the word from her song “Heated” after receiving criticism from disability activists. Lizzo similarly had to change a lyric in one of her songs after receiving the same criticism.

OK, so spaz is no longer acceptable. Even when you're describing the way a young Josh Allen used to play. Even when you're using it to compliment him now that he's refined his play style and is having an MVP-caliber season. A commonly used word that no one was ever offended by until 10 minutes ago is now entirely off limits because the Brits don't like it and Beyonce and Lizzo were word-shamed into editing their popular songs. Duly noted. 

I'm not going to die on the spaz hill. At my age, the next hill I die on will probably literal as my heart gives out. I will however point out that somehow it's been in common usage since long before most of us were born. And yet somehow the world kept turning on its axis in spite of it. 

That even when a side character from Bill Murray's first comedy was named Spaz:

… the spaz-related death toll from use of the word remained at zero. In fact, the research, treatment, care, and concern for people afflicted with cerebral palsy and similar disorders went on unabated. Because humans are capable of showing incredible compassion and using slang terms for quarterbacks at the same time. To deny that is to forget the incredible time, energy and money Tom Brady has put toward helping children through the Best Buddies program over the last 25 or so years.

But to defend him for using the term is playing into the hands of the Easily Offended. America's professional class of Hall Monitors, who come across as well-intentioned, but there's another element at play here. 

This is the easiest way to feel good about yourself. And present yourself as someone of high moral character who's out looking out for others without putting doing any heavy lifting. As long as you keep looking backwards for words to be offended by, your batting average will always be 1.000. 

That's how semantics works. We find a term too offensive to continue using it and replace it with a euphemism we consider more acceptable. Then over time the euphemism takes on the same connotations as the word it replaced, and now you're committing a hate crime if you continue to use it. And whoever gets to the new replacement term first gets to claim the moral high ground.

As Aldous Huxley put it in Crome Yellow: 

“The surest way to work up a crusade in favor of some good cause is to promise people they will have a chance of maltreating someone. To be able to destroy with good conscience, to be able to behave badly and call your bad behavior 'righteous indignation' — this is the height of psychological luxury, the most delicious of moral treats.”

I have no doubt that in 10 years or so, writers like this one will look back at words like "clumsiness, stupidity or physical ineptness" with the same righteous indignation as "spaz." And if 2034 Brady says something like "He used to play like his hair was on fire," it'll be considered offensive to burn victims. "He ran around like a chicken with its head cut off" will require an apology to vegans, and so on. A never ending cycle of policing words that will go on until we evolve beyond spoken language and just start communicating with Neuralink. 

Until that time comes, I'm going with what Ricky Gervais says, just because you're offended, doesn't mean you're right: