Cryptic Tom Brady Instagram Post Takes Over Internet By A Landslide

I'm sure you've all seen by now that Gisele Bündchen announced she's having a baby with Jiu-Jitsu instructor Joaquim Valente, who she's been dating since June 2023. 

She and ex-husband Tom Brady have been divorced since October 2022, but after 13 years of marriage and two children it's not hard to imagine he may have some tough feelings about this. (I totally get it, Tom. Back in 2016 I had a slightly lower profile divorce after only 4 years of marriage and it still took me years to truly get over it. The little valve doors on my heart nearly exploded off the hinges when he took the other woman to Aruba in nice khaki Dockers when he only ever wore Old Navy plaid cargo shorts with me so oh my God - if my ex had knocked somebody up within the first year I may have Thelma & Louised my '03 Honda CRV straight off the Tacony-Palmyra Bridge.) 

That being said, I still thought this was a made up Tweet of a made up Instagram post simply destined to do numbies:

So I hopped on over to Brady's page myself and there it was… A beautiful sunset from atop the hill as the Dixie Chicks crooned some of Stevie Nicks' most emotional lyrics:

Oh, mirror in the sky, what is love?
Can the child within my heart rise above?
Can I sail through the changing ocean tides?
Can I handle the seasons of my life?

Perhaps it was just a fluke of timing and Tom forgot People was announcing the pregnancy news and he just happened to be vibing to that song, which is, indeed, a banger in almost any version. One thing I'm certain of, it is definitely not a cryptic, guttural Insta-wail for all he has lost in any way that he knows millions of people will see and share and speculate on ha ha.

Really though, he seems to be a pretty confident fella who is secure in himself, so sharing some feelings & emotions isn't too outside the realm of possibility. He's seeing his reflection in the palm tree covered hills and letting the landslide bring him down.

I dig that he's letting it out, and I'm sure at the heart of it he's happy to see her thriving.