Jerry Jones Thinks He's Tougher Than The Sun. The Fucking Sun.
There are plenty of reasons why the Dallas Cowboys are a bad football team right now. Dak Prescott is the highest paid player in the league and is currently having a season that puts him on par with Gardner Minshew and Daniel Jones. Michah Parsons has spent more time in the podcast studio this year than on the field. Mike McCarthy is a giant bumbling idiot. The defense is giving up over 350 yards and 28 points per game. And they were so bad yesterday that the Lions decided to treat it like a Make-a-Wish game for all their offensive linemen.
Admittedly there's no quick fix for all of these issues. Some of them are definitely going to be harder to figure out solutions for than others. But the Cowboys are 3-3 right now. They have 3 wins on the road, and all 3 losses have come at home. You'd think at some point that would be a point of concern. Clearly something is going on in AT&T Stadium that just isn't working out for this Cowboys team.
And maybe it's the fact that the fucking sun is literally scorching their quarterback's eyes every time he drops back. These NFL stadiums cost billions of dollars to build. You don't think at any point they stopped to think about where the sun would be at 1pm or 4pm on Sundays in the fall? Even if they just completely disregarded the sun when designing and building the stadium, you'd think after searing the eyes of your $240 million quarterback would become a big enough issue to at least put some blinds up or something. Jerry Jones would need to make one trip to a Home Goods to buy a bunch of curtains, and maybe the Cowboys would be able to win a game or two at home.
It's not like this is anything new. It's been the same issue for over a decade at this point. But Jerry Jones isn't going to let the sun win this battle. He's not going to admit defeat to a little ball of fire in the sky. Back in his day he would have flown up in space and beat the sun's ass for even thinking about showing its stupid face in Jerry World. Curtains and blinds are for pussies and commies. Don't you dare ever tell Jerry Jones that maybe the sun is kicking the shit out of his team week in and week out. He just won't have it, dadgummit.